


Wherever We Fall (Wherever We Land)

by TragicLove



Category: Hanson (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Hospital, Brother/Brother Incest, M/M, Raised Apart
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2019-09-18
Packaged: 2019-10-01 00:22:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 26,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17233925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TragicLove/pseuds/TragicLove
Summary: The only thing Zac Hanson has ever wanted was to be a surgeon. Packing up and moving states to intern at one of the top surgical hospitals in the country was a no-brainer, he just wasn't counting on a ghost from his past joining him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was started for NaNoWriMo this year and heavily influenced by my never-ending binge watching of Grey's Anatomy. Totally AU, no other siblings, no wives, no band.

Zac hadn’t spent a lot of time in bars. Really, when could he? In between four years of college, two years of taking care of his sick mother, and four years of medical school, he’d never really had the chance to become accustomed to weekend nights out, drinking away the week. Almost all of his weekends were spent hunched over the beat up desk in his beat up apartment, studying out of beat up text books that he’d purchased second hand because he couldn’t afford them new. 

He didn’t regret it, not exactly. He’d wanted to be a surgeon since he was old enough to answer the question of what he wanted to be when he grew up. His answer never changed like most kids answers do. It was solid, Zac Hanson wanted to be Doctor Hanson, and there was no amount of sacrifice too great for him to succeed in making that happen. But, there were times where he cursed his lack of social skills because of all of the hours he hadn’t spent learning how to be a functioning human being. For example, when the bartender asked him what he wanted, he froze up completely, looking up at him through wide eyes before responding, ‘a beer?’ 

Four beers later, he was feeling much better about himself. 

The anxiety of knowing he was starting his internship in two days had all but consumed him, rendering him unable to eat, unable to sleep, unable to do anything but pour over the same old medical books he’d been reading for four years, reading the same words, the ones he knew so well that he could likely recite them with his eyes shut. He’d grown tired of feeling like he could vomit at any second, along with the throbbing in his temples, and the sweatiness of his palms somewhere around six o’clock, so he’d walked across the street to the bar he’d noticed there when he’d moved into his new (still beat up) apartment a few days ago. Now, that’s where he found himself, sitting on a beat up barstool instead of in front of his beat up desk, a beer he didn’t really like in his hands.

He felt better, though, and he guessed that was the goal, so at least he had that minor success to fall back on.

He was weighing his options, to stay or to go, when he felt an elbow briefly hit his own. When he looked to his left he was met with tired blue eyes, five o’clock shadow, and a head of dark blonde hair that could probably afford a wash, but still somehow looked good.

“Sorry,” the man said and then stifled a yawn. “Somtimes I don’t have control over these things,” he moved his arms a little and Zac laughed, probably a bit louder than the situation called for.

“It’s alright, man.”

The other man nodded, turning to the bartender and ordering a a beer along with a shot of whiskey. He turned back to Zac then, his eyes narrowing just a little bit.

“You new around here? Haven’t seen you in here before.”

Zac nodded pushing his empty beer away, “yeah. Just moved here a few days ago. This is my first time in here.”

“It’s a nice place,” the man nodded, taking a swig of his beer when it arrived. “I’m in here most nights after work.”

“No complaints until some guy walked in and elbowed me,” Zac grinned and then looked away, shaking his head and rolling his eyes at himself. 

_Dumb,_ Zac thought to himself. _That wasn’t funny, it was just dumb._

But, when he looked back, the other man was smiling, and the tiredness in his eyes seemed to ebb a little bit, a light amusement, maybe a happiness for not being ‘at work’ anymore, replacing it. 

“So why’d you move to Akron? Not exactly a destination for most, what are you, 25 year olds.”

“28,” Zac answered. “I got offered a position here that I couldn’t turn down,” he shrugged. “I had to take it.”

“How do you like it so far?”

“To be honest with you, I haven’t really seen much of the outside until now. I’ve been busy getting ready to-” Zac tilted his head and grinned. “Not interesting. I’m sure I’ll like it just fine.”

“It’s an okay place, once you get used to it,” he signaled the bartender and asked him for one more shot of whiskey, pushing it towards Zac once it arrived. “To celebrate your new job.”

“Thanks,” Zac grinned, picking the shot glass up between his fingers. The other man did the same, holding it up in the air.

“To success in Akron.”

“To success in Akron,” Zac echoed, tipping the glass to his lips and only wincing a little at the fire the liquid sent through his system.

*****

Zac didn’t know how they got there, or exactly whos hands had landed on the others body first, all he knew was that the man from the bar was currently pinning him to the inside of his front door, his lips moving damply over Zac’s neck.

“I don’t even know your-”

“Shh,” the other man silenced Zac with his mouth landing on his. “Do you have a bed?”

“Of course I have a bed,” Zac mumbled against his mouth.

“Lead the way,” the man pulled himself away from Zac and followed him through the tiny apartment and into the bedroom. 

Once the door was shut, his hands were instantly back on Zac, pulling his shirt over his head, working on his belt. Zac thought about protesting again, mentioning how they, in fact did not even know each others names, but then the man was backing Zac up towards the bed, sliding down his body, and then his mouth was around Zac’s dick and he was pretty sure he’d forgotten how to speak right at that very moment. 

Both of Zac’s palms hit the mattress and his head dropped back, a long, hard breath escaping his mouth. It had been a long time since he’d been touched, by a man or a woman or anyone but himself, and he found himself thinking that maybe he didn’t care what this guys name was, as long as he didn’t stop doing _that_.

But then he did. He stopped and rose up from where he was knelt on the floor between Zac’s legs and motioned for Zac to move further back on the bed, following him as he did. 

“You’re cool with this right?” He asked, his hand sliding between them. “Because I really want to fuck you right now.”

“Yeah,” Zac nodded. “God, yeah.”

*****

Zac woke up to blinding light pouring into the room. He’d obviously forgotten to shut the blinds, leaving himself open to what felt like the beginnings of a sunburn from the wide window on the wall beside the bed. It was only once he’d rolled out of bed and pulled a pair of sweatpants from the floor on that he’d realized there should have been someone else in the bed with him, but there wasn’t.

He wanted to be shocked, he even wondered why he wasn’t, but he wasn’t. He’d kind of gone into it knowing that it would end like this, almost hoping it would. He didn’t have time for a relationship, there was only so much space in his brain and he expected it to be completely taken up by medicine and scalpals and learning how to cut into a human body just to put it back together again. The sex was nice - spectacular, even - but, he was thankful that that’s all it was. 

He walked over to his desk and went to grab his binder, content with spending the morning reading over the notes he’d been taking to get ready for his internship to start the next day, but his eye was drawn to an envelope placed just to the left of it, something hastily scrawled on it. He picked it up and looked at it, his brain taking a second to figure out exactly what it was, and then once he did, he crumpled it up and tossed it into the small trash bin next to the desk. 

Zac Hanson didn’t have time for mens phone numbers, no matter how attractive or good in bed. Zac Hanson was going to be a surgeon.


	2. Chapter 2

Zac didn’t know what it was exactly that he was expecting on his first day as an intern at Akron General, but he knew that it wasn’t the uncomfortableness he felt at being one of three of the oldest of the new interns standing around in the locker room, all of them trying to hide the fact that they were looking at each other, sizing each other up, trying to figure out who exactly in that too small room was their biggest competition along with who the duds were. 

He knew he’d be older than most of them, having taken two years off in between college and medical school to help his mother out when she had to stop working through an aggressive bout of breast cancer, but he didn’t think he’d be one of the only ones. In medical school, there were plenty of people studying with him that were hig age, or even older, but here, at Akron General, he was feeling a little bit like the old man of the bunch. 

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” He turned to see a pretty brunette standing at the locker next to his, shoving her bag inside of it.

“What’s that?” He smiled.

“We’re old,” she lifted her eyebrows and then motioned around the room, closing her locker. “They’re all spring chickens, and we’re old.”

“We’re not old,” he grinned. “We’re just not 26, and they are.”

“Positive outlook, I like it,” she smiled and then held her hand out. “Larson, Ashley Larson.”

“Zac Hanson,” he smiled again, shaking her hand. 

“She’s right you know,” a taller guy with short brown hair leaned in between them. “We’re old.”

Ashley laughed and gave Zac an I-told-you-so look.

“Greg Johnson,” the guy said. “Neuro.”

“We can’t declare specalities yet,” Ashley tilted her head.

“I know, but I am. I’m neuro, it’s just a fact.”

“General,” Zac shrugged.

“Well, if we’re doing it, we’re doing it,” Ashley laughed. “Peds.”

“Interns!” Their attention was taken from each other as everyone in the room turned towards the door of the locker room. A tall, thin redheaded woman was standing there with a clipboard in her hand. Zac instantly knew that she was going to be the one to impress, to keep your eye out for and never make the wrong move around. “Welcome to the first day of the rest of your lives,” she smiled. “I wont lie to you and tell you it’s going to be easy, it’s probably going to suck. Here’s the thing, at Akron General, and every other top notch hospital in the country, there’s a pecking order, and you all?” She looked around at them, her red painted lips upturned. “Are at the bottom of it.” 

She paused then, looking around the room and seemingly taking in their faces. It almost felt to Zac as if she was judging thier standing here on face alone instead of any kind of skill or lack thereof. He figured it was easy, being someone who looked like her, to assume that beauty equaled success, but Zac had to disagree. 

“If you hadn’t guessed yet, I’m Doctor Hollis, Chief of Surgery. Basically I’m your bosses, bosses boss. I’ll be keeping tabs on each and every single one of you, following along with your progess,” one of her perfectly groomed eyebrows rose. “Or lack thereof.”

Ashley scoffed quietly beside Zac and rolled her eyes when he looked over at her. He grinned, not sure how it happened, but in the few short minutes that they’d known each other, he was sure that they were going to be great friends.

“I’m glad to see everybody scrubbed up and ready to start the day. When I say your last name, lift your hand. I need to pair the faces with the names on this list, and then we’ll get started!”

Zac followed along as each doctor responded to their name, some more bashfully than others. There were 16 of them altogether, nine guys and seven girls, all coming off of endless years of studying, just to do it some more, while working their asses off on top of it.

“Now that we’ve got that out of the way, I want to make something very clear to all of you,” Chief Hollis held her clipboard down at her side. “You’re not all going to make it out of this internship, and those of you who do, you wont all make it out of your residency. Some of you will cave under pressure, some of you will realize that surgery isn’t your passion in life, some of you will fail your boards, and some of you will just not be cut out for the life of a surgeon. For the next forty years, minimum, medicine is your life. You’ll eat it, breathe it, hardly sleep it,” Chief Hollis grinned at that. “You will either rise to the challenge and become some of the best damn doctors this country has ever seen, or you wont. That’s up to you.”

There it was, that feeling of the palms sweating and the slight throb in his temples again. The thought that he wouldn’t make it through this had never even occured to Zac. It was an impossibility. He’d been top of his class in the pre-med program at the University of Oklahoma and just under it during Med School at John Hopkins, there was no way he would fail now. Chief Hollis be damned, he wouldn’t be one of the duds.

“Let’s go meet your bosses, they’re just dying to get aquainted with you,” Chief Hollis smiled at that and turned on her heel, her shoes clicking along on the tile floor undernath her. 

“Well, that was intense,” Ashley muttered to Zac and Greg as they followed along with the rest of the interns. 

“I’d say,” Zac said, shaking his head. “You think she’s right?”

“I’m sure she’s seen plenty of interns come in and out of this place, she knows what she’s talking about,” Greg chimed in from the other side of Ashley. “Both of my parents interned, completed their residencies, fellowed and then worked here. Dad was head of Neuro and Mom was head of Cardio. They left to open a private practice a decade ago.”

“Oh, so you’re a legacy,” Ashley quipped. “You’ll be your attendings favorite, then.”

“It doesn’t work that way in a hospital,” Greg shook his head. “If anything, I’ll have to work five times harder than everyone else.”

They were cut short when Chief Hollis stopped walking right before the large wooden nurses desk, a handful of residents stood in a group, talking amongst themselves in front of it.

“Residents, I’ve got your fresh batch of interns,” Chief Hollis grinned, all of the residents looking up. She turned back to the interns and looked down her clipboard quickly. “I’m aware that some of you probably have your specialties picked out in your heads already. Unfortunately for you, at this hospital, and most others, you don’t get to declare a specialty until your fifth year. We’ll train you in every way that we can, some of you will change your mind by then, some of you who don’t know where you want to be yet, will figure it out by then. Every day there will be two or three of you paired with a resident, you will do whatever task they assign you, whether that be charting, running for coffee, taking vitals, scrubbing in to assist on a surgery, or rectal exams,” a small flutter of chatter spread through the interns, Cheif Hollis lifting her brow again. “Do any of you have a problem with rectal exams? Are they beneath you on your first day of internship?” Silence. “That’s what I thought.”

She looked down at her clipboard again and started rattling off names, two interns to a resident, until she paused and laughed quietly to herself.

“I don’t know how this escaped me during introductions. Larson and Hanson, you’ll be with Doctor Hanson today. General Surgery.”

Zac looked quickly at Ashley, a questioning look on his face and then his eyes scanned the residents until they landed on a very familiar face.

Blue eyes, no 5 o’clock shadow, but the hair could still use a wash. _Shit._

He looked just as shocked as Zac did, his mouth forming a little o. Ashley nudged Zac and motioned for him to walk, following next to him.

“Hanson, huh?” The man - now known as Doctor Hanson - asked.

“Yeah, uh. You too?”

“Yeah,” Doctor Hanson lifted an eyebrow. “Where did you say you were from?”

“I didn’t,” Zac shrugged. “We didn’t say much.”

“What-“ Ashley started to speak, but the Doctor shook his head, lifting his charts.

“Nothing, it’s nothing. Follow me,” he turned and lead them down the hallway and to the elevator, stabbing the button with his pen. The doors opened and the three of them stepped in, Ashley on one side, Doctor Hanson in the middle, and Zac to the right. “What’s your mothers name?” the doctor turned to Zac suddenly and then looked back at the doors.

“Um, Diana?” Zac looked over at him and shrugged, not sure why he’d ask. He was pretty sure he’d know it if he was somehow distantly related to him. All the doctor did was nod before looking down at his chart for a second.

“Anyway,” he cleared his throat, looking down at his chart for a second. “Our first patient is waiting for lab results, once they come in, we’ll go over them, go into the room and explain them to him,” the elevator doors opened and the three of them walked into the hallway, turning to the left and walking towards the nurses station. “Morning, Kayla,” the doctor smiled at the petite nurse sitting behind the desk.

“Morning, Doctor,” Kayla smiled. “New victims?”

“You know it,” he grinned. “This is Doctor Larson and Doctor Hanson,” he chuckled at Kayla’s face. “I know, weird, isn’t it? I think this is the first time we’ve had a double name.”

“Nice to meet you guys, I’m your head nurse on the floor. I’m sure we’ll all get along nicely. Doctor Hanson here tries to be hard, but he’s a big softie.”

“Don’t tell them that,” the doctor laughed and then placed the chart he was holding down on the counter. “Got anything for me?”

“Room 2 was asking for pain meds, so we gave her some motrin, seems to be fine now. Room 6 was complaining that it was too hot in the room, we suggested she take off one of the three blankets she’d covered herself with. That’s about it, slow morning.”

“Depending on how you look at it,” he turned to Ashley and Zac. “That’s either good for you, or bad for you. Starting out slow, but no excitement. I’m always more a fan of the excitement, myself.”

Ashley and Zac both nodded, looking at each other and then back at him. 

“I need to run to the supply room and grab some things. Doctor Larson, why don’t you familiarize yourself with our patients chart. They’ll all look somewhat like this, some bigger, some smaller. You’ll need to get used to our format. Doctor Hanson, why don’t you come give me a hand?”

“Got it,” Ashley said as Zac nodded. Doctor Hanson motioned with his head down the hallway and then turned, Zac following him. They made it about halfway down when Taylor stepped to the left and pushed a door open, pulling Zac into the room by his arm. Zac looked around, taking in the two sets of bunkbeds and the two desks on opposite walls. 

“This doesn’t look like the supply room.”

“It’s not,” Doctor Hanson said, walking towards the window and leaning up against the wall, crossing one leg over the other, his arms over his chest. “This is one of two on call rooms on the floor. Um, you’ll nap here when you can. Good luck finding a bed, most times the residents and attendings call dibs, and of course they get first grab.”

“Right,” Zac nodded. “So, you wanted to show me the on call room?”

“No,” the doctor shook his head, his eyes squinting a little bit. He moved a hand down to his stomach and then looked up at the ceiling. “I think I’m going to be sick.”

“What? Are you okay? Do you have a bug or something?”

“No,” he said, looking back at Zac. “Your mothers name is Diana?”

“Yeah?” Zac shook his head. “Why do you keep asking me that?”

“What’s your fathers name?”

“I don’t know my father, haven’t seen him since I was four, haven’t lived with him since I was two.”

“Oh God,” the doctor said, standing up from the wall and walking towards Zac and then turning around and walking back towards the window. “Oh god.”

“What? What is- oh my _god_.” Zac felt his entire stomach sour all at once, the situation he’d been placed in settling down on him. “Your- your fathers name, is it-”

“Walker,” the doctor squeaked, his forehead knotting up.

“Oh God.”

“Yeah.”

“Taylor?” 

The doctor nodded, walking over to one of the bunk beds and lowering himself onto it. He looked up at Zac and sighed, “yeah.”

“You’re so…tall,” Zac said, not sure what else he could possibly offer.

“I’m not that tall,” Taylor mumbled.

“You’re pretty tall.”

“Dad’s ta- who _cares_? Who cares how tall I am? I should have let you tell me your name. I didn’t think I wanted to know, I thought I wanted it to be a one night stand, quick and dirty, relieve some stress-”

“You left your number.”

“Well,” Taylor rolled his eyes. “It ended up being quick and dirty _and_ good.”

“It was good, wasn’t it?”

“Oh god,” Taylor said again, looking down at his knees.

“We couldn’t have known,” Zac said. “It’s been- what? Over two decades? How could we have known?”

“I could have told you my name,” Taylor mumbled. “That would have worked.”

“But you didn’t, and we didn’t know. What are we going to do, freak out about it? It’s done,” Zac rolled his eyes. “Besides, we’re hardly brothers. We didn’t grow up together, we didn’t even recognize each other. I think we both know that we’re brothers only by blood.”

“That’s not fair,” Taylor looked up at Zac again. “I wanted a relationship with you. Dad said you and Mom-” Taylor shook his head. “He said you guys wanted nothing to do with us. That you told him to tell me to stay away.”

“What?” Zac’s eyes widened. “That’s not- no. That’s not true.”

“That’s what Dad-”

“Dad,” Zac held up air quotes. “Also took off with you and never looked back.”

“Mom didn’t fight him on it,” Taylor responded. “She just let him take me.”

“She-” Zac shook his head, his fists clenching. “I don’t want to talk about this. God damn it, of course you’re a doctor. Of _course_ you’re a doctor _here._ ”

“I was thinking the same thing,” Taylor tilted his head. “About you.”

“We just pretend it didn’t happen,” Zac said, rubbing his face. “We just go on like we didn’t…like that never happened.”

“Yeah,” Taylor nodded. “It never happened.”

“Right,” Zac said. “Shouldn’t we, like, check on our patients? Aren’t you supposed to be teaching me?

“Yeah, yeah,” Taylor stood up, nodding. “Of course, we should-” he walked towards Zac and held his hand out for Zac to shake. “It never happened.”

Zac slid his hand into Taylor’s, almost wincing at the way his touch made him feel.

“It never happened.”

But it had.


	3. Chapter 3

He’d expected it to be more exciting, his first day at the hospital, but really, it was nothing to write home about.

They’d checked on numerous patients, all post-op, all recovering nicely in their hospital beds in their rooms. Six hours into their first 48 hour shift, Zac ambled down to the cafeteria, ordering himself a sandwich that at least looked edible and grabbing a coffee, even though he wasn’t really a fan. He figured, if he was going to be a surgeon, he’d need to adapt, coffee would probably end up being his best friend.

He’d just taken a large bite of the his sandwich when Ashley slid into the chair across from him, Greg following close behind, sliding into the one next to her.

“Anyone else underwhelmed?” Greg asked, picking up his cheeseburger and biting into it. Ashley and Zac raised their hands, the three of them chuckling a little. 

“Guess what my residents got me doing?” Greg spoke again.

“Don’t say it,” Ashley smirked.

“Rectal exams.”

Zac laughed around his sandwich, placing it down on his tray, “I guess he was right, he wont get any special treatment.”

“The other intern they’ve got me with today,” Greg wiggled his eyebrows. “Super hot.”

“Our resident is pretty hot,” Ashley nodded, nodding her head at Zac. “Don’t you think so?”

“Huh?” Zac raised an eyebrow.

“I see the way you look at him, like you’ve got stars in your eyes. You’re one step away from drooling all over yourself.”

“That’s not true-”

“It is,” Ashley shrugged. “It’s okay, he’s super hot. I’d do him.”

Zac pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, this wasn’t what he wanted to be talking about right now. And he certainly didn’t want to think about _doing_ and Taylor in the same thought. It was bad enough that every time he closed his eyes he could see him naked, his flesh sweaty and shining. He was sure that wasn’t how you were supposed to picture your goddamn brother.

“I mean, I don’t swing that way,” Greg took another bite of his cheeseburger, talking with his mouth full. “But, he’s a good looking dude.”

“I hadn’t noticed,” Zac mumbled, prompting Ashley and Greg to burst out with laughter. Zac rolled his eyes and took a larger than necessary gulp of his coffee. 

“I heard that Brigham Young is after him to do his fellowship there,” Ashley leaned in and said low, nodding like she’d found out the largest secret at Akron General. “They’re offering him all kinds of perks.”

“This is a better hospital than Brigham Young,” Greg shrugged.

“Yeah, for Neuro. Doctor Hanson’s a general surgeon.”

“Still,” Greg shrugged again.

“We’re aware you have a family loyalty to this place, but-”

“Do you think he’ll go?” Zac chimed in. He’d just gotten to Akron and he didn’t want Taylor to leave. A year was a long time, but - Zac’s thought process stopped and he reminded himself that it didn’t much matter if Taylor were in Akron or Utah or anywhere else for that matter. 

“I don’t see why anyone would want to leave this hospital,” Ashley made a face. “This has always been my only choice.”

“You haven’t even been here a full day, maybe it sucks,” Zac shrugs.

“I don’t think my parents would have spent their entire lives at a hospital that sucks,” Greg shook his head, finishing off his sandwich.

“How’s your lunch?” The three of them looked up at the sound of Taylor’s voice. He was standing at the head of their table, chart in hand.

“Good,” Zac lifted an eyebrow, Ashley nodding to agree with him.

“Sorry to cut it short, this happens. We’ve got a pretty interesting case in the ER, thought you two would like to check it out.

*****

Interesting was one thing, but this was just stupid.

Some moron nail gunned his hand to a two by four and now Nail Hand and his piece of wood were sitting in a cordoned off room, swearing at the top of his lungs that he’d really like it if they’d get hot on removing the wood plank from his arm.

Possibly you shouldn’t have nailed yourself to it in the first place, Zac wanted to say, but of course he didn’t. Not on his first day, at least. 

Taylor - Doctor Hanson - was having Zac hold down the plank of wood while while Ashley irrigated the wound so they could see exactly what they were in for. After that, Taylor made quick work of removing the nail from the patients hand, telling Ashley to irrigate the wound again.

“How do you feel about stitching up your first patient, Doctor Hanson?” Taylor smiled at Zac before nodding towards the patients hand.

Zac stared at the wound for a moment and thought about refusing, telling Taylor that he just wasn’t ready. Then he shook his head, _you’re a god damn surgeon,_ and held his hand out for the nurse to hand him what he needed.

*****

“So how was that?” Taylor grinned over at Zac as the three of them took off their robes and gloves, tossing them into the trash before leaning over the large sink to wash up.

“It wasn’t surgery…but I will admit, it was pretty awesome,” Zac grinned back at him and then looked down at his hands as he soaped them up.

“Next time, you’ll do it,” Taylor glanced at Ashley. “I try to be fair.”

“So, will we be paired up with you a lot?” Ashley asked.

“Not always, but we do tend to create favorites around here, even if we say we don’t,” Taylor chuckled. “I do have to share you, though. What field are you guys looking to specialize in?”

“Peds,” Ashley smiled, shaking her hands over the sink to get some of the excess water off.

“And you?” Taylor turned to Zac, shaking his hands as well.

“General Surgery.”

“Ah, a man after my own heart,” Taylor grinned, grabbing a cloth to dry off his hands and motioning for Zac and Ashley to do the same. 

“What now?” Zac asked after they were all dry.

“Now, we get coffee,” Taylor smiled. “Or, at least I do. I’m already one cup behind my normal dosage, and you don’t wan’t see how cranky I can get if I’m under-caffeinated.

*****

Ashley excused herself to make a few phone calls while they had a little bit of free time, so Zac found himself standing at the coffee cart with Taylor, waiting behind a woman who seemed to be having a hard time deciding between the all of three items that were available. Finally, Taylor ordered two regular coffees, offering one to Zac, before showing him to a table by the window.

They sipped their coffees quietly until Taylor cleared his throat and placed his paper cup down on the table in front of him.

“I didn’t even think to ask you how you take your coffee.”

“I don’t,” Zac shrugged. “Take it, really. So, I guess this is how I take it now.”

“How’d you make it through med school without coffee?” Taylor’s face was incredulous and Zac couldn’t help but laugh a little bit. 

“I guess I just never started drinking it,” Zac shrugged again. “I’m more of a Red Bull guy, to be honest, but I should probably lay off it.”

“Probably, it’s really bad for your sto-”

“I know,” Zac grinned. “I’m a doctor, too, remember?”

“Right,” Taylor chuckled. “What made you want to be a doctor?”

“I don’t know, I just always have. You know how most kids grow up wanting to be rock stars or pirates or whatever? I never wanted any of that. Since I could say what I wanted to be, I’ve always wanted to be a doctor.”

“Me too,” Taylor smiled. “There was never any other choice for me. It was surgery or nothing.”

“Yeah,” Zac smiled. 

“So, you’re 28, right? I’m 30, so you have to be 28. Isn’t that a couple years behind to be starting your internship?”

“I had to take a couple of years off before med school. My mom-” Zac looked up at Taylor and closed his eyes, shaking his head. “Our mom, she had breast cancer. It was pretty bad for a little while. I had to take care of her.”

Zac didn’t miss the way Taylor’s face dropped before he quickly recovered. 

“I’m sorry to hear that,” he said quietly. “I wish I’d have known.”

“Yeah, well,” Zac frowned. “I guess that’s what happens when you leave at four years old and never come back.”

“That’s not fair, Zac-”

“I know. I’m sorry. I just…it was hard, you know? Growing up, knowing you were out there, but not knowing where or anything about you. Or why you guys didn’t want us.”

“I never- it wasn’t…’ Taylor trailed off and then sighed. “I didn’t not want you, I wanted a brother…my brother, it was just-”

“That he didn’t. He didn’t want me, he didn’t want her. He wanted you, so he took you and left and left us on our own.”

“I’m sorry, Zac.”

“Don’t be,” Zac forced a smile on his face and picked up his coffee, taking a sip. “It wasn’t your fault, you were just a kid, like me,” he took another sip and then put his cup back down on the table. “Seriously, though…is this supposed to taste like shit?”

Taylor laughed, dipping his head down for a second before looking back up at Zac.

“You’re funny, you know that?”

“Me?” Zac lifted an eyebrow. “I might have been told once or twice.”

“I think we’re going to be okay,” Taylor smiled, reaching across the table and putting his hand on Zac’s. “I’m really glad you’re here.”

“Yeah,” Zac smiled and nodded. “I am, too.”


	4. Chapter 4

Zac shot up in the tiny bottom bunk in the on call room, bringing his hand to his forehead. He was covered in sweat and his breathing was jagged, and he couldn’t quite find a way to calm it for the first handful of seconds that he was conscious. 

Judging by the incredibly vivid dream Zac had just experienced, he wasn’t so sure that Taylor had been right about them being okay. When he closed his eyes, flashes of Taylor’s smooth flesh flashed behind them. Zac swore that while he was asleep he could actually feel Taylor moving over him, the sensation of his hands running all over Zac’s skin so real, Zac was almost sure that when he opened his eyes, Taylor would be there in that bed with him. 

He wasn’t, and Zac was thankful when he stood up and looked around the room, he found that no one else was in there at all. He couldn’t imagine what he might have sounded like while he was lost in that dream, and the last thing he needed was to become known as the guy at the hospital who had sex dreams in the on call room. 

He straightened himself out and left the room, walking towards he nurses station and stopping as he reached Ashley and Greg, where they were in a small huddle with a few other interns.

“I heard he’s sleeping with Doctor Watson, she’s the head of Peds,” a blonde girl was saying.

“That’s too much hotness for one relationship,” a smaller, brunette girl laughed. “Have you _seen_ them? Good God.”

“What are you guys talking about?” Zac asked, not even sure he wanted to know. He had assumed that Hospital gossip fell somewhere in the same are of popularity that high school gossip did, but he didn’t think it would begin so fast. 

“They think Doctor Hanson and Doctor Watson are doing it,” Ashley grinned, looking up at him.

“We don’t think it, we heard it,” the brunette shrugged. “Two of the other residents were talking about it in the cafeteria, how they’ve been doing this whole sleeping with each other and trying to keep it friends with benefits thing for a couple of years, but it’s effecting their working relationship because Watson wants more.”

“Don’t you think it’s a little soon to start falling into gossip around here?” Zac rolled his eyes. “Plus, I’m sure Doctor Hanson and Doctor Watson, whoever she is, would be pretty annoyed to hear us talking about their sex lives.”

“What are you, the fun police?” Greg scoffed.

“I’m just saying,” Zac shrugged and fiddled with his pager.

As if being saved by the bell, Taylor sauntered over and gave the group of interns a weird look before holding up the chart that was in his hand.

“Hate to break up your little huddle, but we’ve got something that I thought you all would like to observe,” he flipped the chart open and held it up. “24 year old male, congestive heart failure - Doctor Larson, care to tell us what that means?”

“One or both of the ventricles are not pumping blood, likely causing blood to back up in to the patients other organs and or parts of their body,” Ashley beamed as if she was asked to crack the secret to world peace.

“Right,” he nodded. “Johnson, what parts of the body are likely to fill up with blood or liquid in this case?”

“Liver, lungs, lower body,” Greg nodded.

“Right, also possibly the abdomen. Hanson,” Taylor looked up at Zac, the corner of his mouth lifting just the slightest amount. “What are the two types of left sided CHF?”

“Systolic and Diastolic,” Zac answered and then felt his own lips curve upwards just so.

“Good. This patient is the former, care to expand on what that means?”

“The left ventricle isn’t contracting how it should. Meaning, it doesn’t have the force necessary to push his blood to circulate. His heart isn’t pumping properly.”

“Great,” Taylor grinned.

“Um-” Taylor flipped the page and looked at it quickly. “Doctor London, this patient is Class IV, tell us what that means.”

The small brunette that had been discussing Taylor’s sex life before he showed up piped up.

“It means that without a transplant, the patient will die. There is no method of treatment, there is only end of life comforts that can be taken. The patient is also very unlikely to be able to do much of anything without shortness of breath or other symptoms.”

“Right, great!” Taylor smiled again. “Now, tell me what those symp-” Taylor beeper emitted a loud series of beeps and he cut himself off to look down at it. “They’re ready for us. The transplant team just arrived with our patients new heart and it’s and ready to be put in his chest. You will all observe from the gallery,” Taylor turned and began walking towards the elevator, turning to Zac once the doors shut. “Doctor Hanson, you’ll scrub in to assist.”

“What, I-”

“We’ll need the hands,” Taylor cut him off.

“Okay,” Zac breathed. “Yeah, alright.”

Zac didn’t miss the side eye he was getting from several of the other interns, nor the way Ashley was gaping at him, her eyes wide.

*****

“That was such a rush,” Zac exhaled excitedly as he tore his operating gown off, tossing it, along with his gloves and mask into the trash. “I’ve never felt like that before.”

“I’m glad you liked it,” Taylor grinned, his hands under the running water. “That means you’re probably in the right line of work.”

“Have you ever had that happen? An intern getting into the operating room and realizing that it just wasn’t for them?”

“More times than you would think. Cutting into a real, live body somehow is a bit more intense than the cadavers you practice on in med school,” Taylor chuckled. “We’ve had interns pass out the second they saw a scalpel cut into someone. We’ve had throw up, which isn’t very sanitary for obvious reasons.”

“Sounds like you’ve seen a lot,” Zac walked to the faucet next to Taylor to wash his own hands.

“You have no idea,” Taylor shut the sink off and waved his hands over it quickly before grabbing a cloth to dry them. He tossed it into the basket and grabbed a clean one, walking closer to Zac. “So, I was thinking. I know you’ll probably be tired when your shift ends, I mean, your first 48 hour can be hard. But, what do you think about grabbing a drink after? At the bar near your place? It’s kind of a hospital hang out, since it’s so close.”

“Oh, um,” Zac shut the sink off and grabbed the cloth from Taylor, drying his hands and tossing it into the basket. “I don’t know, I-” he couldn’t think of an excuse. He just sighed and shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Come on,” Taylor smiled. “I haven’t seen you in twenty two years, and now you’re here. Please? One beer, I’ll buy.”

Zac looked at him for a few seconds, completely prepared to say no, but then his eyes were pleading, his face so full of want and something that even looked a little bit like need, and Zac felt his reasoning for wanting to say no dissipate. 

“Alright,” he smiled. “One drink. And you’re paying.”

*****

Taylor had been right about one thing, he was tired. Exhausted was closer to the truth, but Zac wasn’t trying to be dramatic about it.

Him and Ashley were the last people in the locker room, having had taken their time changing and tidying themselves up after their 48 hour shift had finally come to an end. To his favor, Ashley looked slightly more ragged than he felt, but he wasn’t sure the margin between the two of them was enough to feel vindicated about. 

“What are your plans after this?” Ashley asked, shutting her locker and sitting down on the bench to pull her shoes on. “Going home to pass out?”

“Actually, I-”

“Hey,” they both looked over towards the door, where Taylor was suddenly leaning against the frame. “I was just coming to see if you were ready.”

Zac could see Ashley in his peripheral vision turn her head slowly to look at him, her mouth a little open again. He supposed this is how she reacted to shock, since it wasn’t the first time he’d seen her do it in the short 48 hours they’d known each other. 

“Yeah,” Zac smiled. “I just need to brush my teeth…really badly, actually. I’ll meet you out front.”

“Alright,” Taylor smiled and nodded. “Have a good night, Doctor Larson,” he waved at Ashley and then turned and walked towards the elevators. 

“You’re kidding,” Ashley said the second he was out of ear shot. “You’re absolutely joking. Not even three days and you’re already-”

“It’s not like that,” Zac shook his head. “I’d explain, but I really can’t. It’s - it’s really not like that.”

“Hey,” Ashley grinned. “At least when you get married, neither of you will have to change your name.”

*****

Taylor wasn’t right about everything, though. Because one drink turned into two and two turned into four and before Zac knew it, that turned into shots and then suddenly he was very, _very_ drunk.

He was leaning on the top of the small circular table they’d sat at, rambling on about why he’d chosen to pursue general surgery when he realized that Taylor was looking at him - staring, really - but he didn’t appear to actually be listening to anything he was saying.

“I’m sorry, do I have something on my face?” Zac said, bringing his hand in front of his face and sticking up his pointer finger. “Like, here,” he pointed at his mouth. “Or here?” his chin. “Like, what is it that you’re staring at?”

“Sorry,” Taylor closed his eyes and shook himself out of it, looking up at Zac’s eyes. “I don’t know what got into me.”

“Was I boring you?”

“No,” Taylor grinned. “Not at all.”

“Then what is it? Why were you staring at me like that?”

“Do you want my honest answer?” Taylor asked, the corner of his mouth rising.

“I asked, didn’t I?”

“Okay,” Taylor shrugged, leaning over the table a little bit. “Honestly, I was thinking about the other night.”

“Oh God,” Zac groaned, tilting his head forward until his forehead was resting on the table. “You’re not supposed to be thinking about that.”

“How am I supposed to help it?” Taylor said. “I’ve had more days of knowing you as the hot guy I went home from the bar with than anything else. I don’t see how-”

“Stop,” Zac lifted his head so his chin was now resting on the table. “Don’t say anything else. It never happened, remember? We _shook_ on it.”

“We shook on it,” Taylor agreed. “But, it still happened.”

“Uh uh,” Zac shook his head, pushing himself to a sitting position. He got off his stool and dug into his back pocket for his wallet. “Nope, we aren’t talking about this. We’re not talking about it, today or any day or ever, because it never happened,” he looked at Taylor, locking eyes with him and throwing enough cash down on the table to cover their drinks and the tip. “It never happened.”

He turned and started his way through the haphazardly placed tables around the bar to the door - made all together a bit difficult considering that he had stupidly gotten drunk - Taylor calling his name from his seat at what was their table. He ignored him and pushed the door open, stepping out onto the sidewalk. 

He made it to the corner and was just about to cross the street when a hand wrapped around his elbow, pulling him to turn towards the grabby offender.

“I don’t like jogging,” Taylor let go of his elbow and bent down for a second before standing back up and stretching.

“You’re a doctor and you can’t jog half a street length without getting winded?” Zac rolled his eyes.

“I spend all of my time at the hospital, when do you think I have time to work out?”

“I-” Zac shook his head and waved his hand. “Whatever, what do you want? I have to go home, it’s late and I have _work_ in the morning.”

“So do I,” Taylor said. “We work together, remember?”

“Yeah, I remember. That’s the cause of this fucking mess.”

“Whoa,” Taylor pulled back a little bit. “Hostile, much?”

Zac groaned and covered his face with his hand, “I’m sorry.” He dropped his hand to his side and looked at Taylor, “I’m sorry, I’m just really…my head is…I’m confused, okay? I’m really confused by…you.”

“Me too,” Taylor said quietly. 

“I shouldn’t want-” Zac bit his lip, trying to find the words. The alcohol wasn’t helping, and he didn’t want to say the wrong thing, but he had to say something. Something had to give. “I shouldn’t be thinking about you, and the things we- I shouldn’t want to do it again-”

“But you do?” Taylor cut in, his eyes somewhere between Zac’s own and his mouth.

“Yeah,” Zac whispered. “I do, and I have to make that stop and I don’t know how, so I have to figure that out-”

Taylor took one step forward, his fingers wrapping around the back of Zac’s neck and pressed his lips to Zac’s. He kept them there, still and warm, for maybe a second too long before his other hand came up and landed on the other side of Zac’s face so that he was cradling it between his hands, his fingertips touching at the back of Zac’s neck. 

Zac could taste the whiskey that they’d shot back and the beers that they had drank and something that was vaguely tangy, all of the flavors of Taylor seeping into his mouth, making him feel just a bit more drunk than he already was. He was helpless against the motion of his limbs when his arms slid around Taylor’s waist, pulling their bodies together as their lips moved seamlessly like they’d spent the last twenty years kissing instead of being half a world apart from one another. 

Taylor moved them effortlessly towards the building, backing Zac up so he was leaning against it, their lips never parting for a second, not even an accidental nose or teeth bump to lighten the mood. Taylor’s whole body was pressed against Zac’s and he could feel his warmth seeping from every part of Taylor onto every part of him, his head swirling.

“Taylor,” Zac mumbled against Taylor’s mouth, sighing when Taylor held him tighter. Zac pulled his arms from around Taylor and rested his hands on his hips, pushing him back just enough to separate them. “Taylor, we can’t.”

Taylor breathed out, leaning forward and resting his palm on the wall above Zac’s shoulder, “I spent the better part of the night stopping myself,” he whispered, looking up and into Zac’s eyes. “I couldn’t stop myself anymore.”

“We can’t,” Zac repeated, sliding around Taylor and off the wall. He watched Taylor turn, his hair falling in his face, his eyes downcast. 

“I know,” he nodded, looking at the ground. 

“I should go,” Zac said quickly, turning and rounding the corner before Taylor had the chance to try to stop him - he was afraid that he’d let him.


	5. Chapter 5

“What the fuck is this?!”

Zac opened his eyes, squinting against the overhead lights of the on call room. It had been two days since Taylor had kissed him on the street corner, and now here he was, standing above him, shouting him awake during some of the few precious minutes he had to sleep during his 30 hour shift. 

“Taylor, what the hell,” Zac grumbled, pulling himself into a sitting position. He was starting to think that maybe Taylor was put back into his life to make it as inconvenient as possible. 

“That’s what I’m saying,” Taylor snapped, waving a small stack of papers in Zac’s face. “What is _this_?”

“What does it look like?” Zac made a face, standing up and letting his hair out of the ponytail it had been in. He shook his head out, running his fingers through his hair and then putting it back up in what he hoped was a neater fashion. “I assume with your eight years of higher education, you do know how to read.”

“You are not transferring out of the program,” Taylor hissed, throwing the papers down on top of the small desk by the wall. 

“Um,” Zac turned his head to the side, pressing his lips together for a second. “I don’t think that’s up to you.”

“Actually it is,” Taylor rolled his eyes. “Your residents, attendings, and chief of surgery need to sign off on a transfer. I’m not signing off.”

“You’re kidding me,” Zac huffed, grabbing the papers and looking down at them. “Why the fuck not?”

“You’re not leaving,” Taylor grabbed the papers out of Zac’s hand. “You’re staying right here, at Akron General, in _this_ program.”

“You can’t-” Zac took a step toward Taylor, but he just shook his head and pulled the door to the room open and stormed out, slamming it shut behind him.

*****

“Larson, Johnson, London and Hanson,” Taylor’s voice broke through a conversation the four interns were having about their experiences in their different med schools, the four of them looking over at him where he was standing by the nurses station. “Doctor Watson is out for a conference today, so you’re all on my service.”

Zac felt himself brittle and then forced himself to shake it off. Being on Taylor’s service was the best possible scenario for him from a career standpoint, but from a personal one, it was feeling a little bit like a nightmare. Every time he was close to him he could physically feel his lips pressed against his own, the warmth of his body pressed tight against his. Then he’d remember his face, holding those papers up, _telling_ him what he wouldn’t do, and the ridiculous feeling of lust was quickly replaced with one of anger. He couldn’t hold him hostage here, he wouldn’t do that to either of them. Would he?

The four of them followed Taylor down the hall and into the elevator, Zac giving him a strange look when he pressed the ground floor button.

“Coffee,” Taylor explained, not quite meeting his eyes. 

“That sounds great,” Doctor London - Sarah, Zac had learned - said with a smile. “So, uh, is it true?” She tilted her head towards Taylor.

“Is what true?” He asked, not looking up from the chart he was perusing.

“You know, you must know the rumors going around here. About you and Doctor Watson?”

Taylor looked up at her then, one eyebrow up, “no. It’s not true, and that’s pretty inappropriate-”

“Sorry,” Sarah held her hand up and laughed a little. “Inquiring minds just want to know, you know?”

“No,” Taylor said, stepping off the elevator when the doors opened. “I don’t know.”

They made their way to the coffee cart, each of them placing their order and taking the cups in their hands. They walked back towards the elevators, Taylor closing the chart once they were on board.

“Okay, now that we have caffeine,” he, turned to look at the four of them. “Do one of you want to tell me what a bezoar is?”

“Commonly found inside the stomach, they’re packed balls, or masses of undigested foreign material,” Sarah answered quickly.

“Sometimes, partially digested, but good,” Taylor grinned.

“Someone else, what are the symptoms of bezoars?”

“Often there aren’t any at all,” Ashley shrugged. “But, the most common are vomiting, nausea, abdominal pain and weight loss.”

“Right,” Taylor nodded, stepping off the elevator, walking backwards, facing them. “What foreign materials are they usually comprised of?”

“They can be anything from undigestible fruit to Kleenex to hair and anything in between,” Zac answered. “Anything that isn’t digestible can form one.”

“Great,” Taylor smiled quickly at him before turning to Johnson. “And how do we diagnose them?”

“Imaging usually. CT scan, ultrasound, x-ray.”

“And we follow up with?”

“Endoscopy.”

“What are our treatment options?”

“Chemical dissolution,” Sarah said. “Likely surgery when that doesn’t work.”

“Perfect,” Taylor said, stopping outside of the operating room. “This patient has several large foreign masses inside of her stomach. We’re about to remove them, we’ve tried dissolution, we’ve tried endoscopic removal, but they’re too large for that. She’s a 23 year old female who suffers from several forms of panic disorder and, as of now, undiagnosed, but we’re working on acquiring one, dissociative identity disorder. Any ideas what these masses might be?”

The four of them stood quiet for a second, turning over the options, and then Ashley looked up, a finger held up in the air.

“Hair,” she said, sure of herself. “She’s eating her own hair as part of her psychiatric disorders.”

“Good!” Taylor beamed at Ashley. “You’ll scrub in and assist, the rest of you can watch from the gallery.”

Ashley turned and raised an eyebrow at Zac, a smirk on her face, before following Taylor into the operating room.

*****

Watching Taylor operate was like watching someone making love. He was gentle and precise and clearly beyond passionate about his profession. Zac couldn’t help but hope that one day he’d be half the surgeon that Taylor had become while he wasn’t looking.

“So, whats up with the two of you?” Greg looked at Zac and then nodded down towards where Taylor was standing in the operating room.

“What do you mean?”

“There’s obviously something happening there, the way you two look at each other…you both tense up a little whenever the other one is in the area. Do you know each other, from before all this?”

Zac inhaled and leaned back in his seat, not really sure how to answer that. He supposed that the correct answer was no - they didn’t know each other, not at all. But, that wasn’t _really_ right, was it?

“No,” he finally said. “Not really.”

“Not really?” Greg tilted his head. “I mean, the obvious answer is that you’re related, right? Are you-”

“No,” Zac said quickly, and he wasn’t sure why he had. They _were_ releated, after all. Maybe only in blood, maybe only in name, but they were. The fact that Zac didn’t want anyone else to know that was a new thought, but it was there. He wanted to keep that hidden from everyone else at the hospital - he just didn’t know why. “We’re not related.”

“Small world then, two Doctor Hanson’s in one hospital.”

“I’m sure it’s not the first time it’s happened,” Zac shrugged, his eyes still trained on Taylor, watching his hands move so effortlessly.

“If you don’t know him, though,” Zac could feel Greg’s eyes on him, but he wouldn’t look back. “Then there’s something else going on.”

“There isn’t,” Zac finally looked at Greg. “You’re making things up in your head. You know,” Zac grinned. “I think you’re more of a gossip than the girls.”

“Hey,” Greg shrugged, laughing. “I grew up with four sisters. You pick things up.”

“I wouldn’t know,” Zac said, looking back at Taylor, his stomach twisting up just enough to make him notice.

*****

Zac had no idea where he was.

He knew that he was in the hospital. He was pretty sure that he was on the third floor. But, outside of that, he had absolutely no clue where he was or how to get out of there. After wandering around for way too long, trying to figure out how to escape the labryinth of hallways he’d somehow trapped himself in, he finally gave up, moving towards the wall of the hallway and taking his phone out of his pocket. 

“Everything okay?” Taylor answered on the first ring.

“I’m lost,” Zac huffed.

“What?”

“Lost,” Zac repeated. “I have no idea where I am, how I got here, or how to-”

“Okay,” Taylor laughed. “It happens to all of us at least once. What’s next to you?”

Zac crained his neck to see what the little plaque next to the door diagonally across from him said, “uh, it says Doctor Madison next to the door across from me.”

“Madison, got it. Be there in a sec,” before Zac could protest and just ask for directions, the call ended. Zac sighed and leaned against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest. He felt more than a touch stupid and Zac _really_ didn’t like feeilng stupid.

In less than five minutes Taylor was walking down the hallway towards Zac, two paper cups of coffee in his hands, a smile on his face.

“Your first time getting lost in the hospital,” he grinned, holding one of the cups out to Zac. “It’s a rite of passage. Congrats.”

“Right,” Zac rolled his eyes, bringing the coffee cup up to his mouth and taking a small sip. “Thanks. For the coffee. And the rescue.”

“No problem,” Taylor shrugged, turning and motioning for Zac to follow him. “What were you down here for anyway?”

“The chief asked me to run a chart down to the lab and I did and then somehow I got lost, I have no idea. The halls shouldn’t be built like mazes, if you ask me.”

“You’ll get used to it,” Taylor smiled.

Zac followed Taylor through a series of hallways, making more turns than Zac kept track of. Taylor was going on about the bezaor patients after care and how she was doing now that she was in her recovery room. Zac was only half listening, finding himself wondering how Taylor had such an easy time of making things feel normal between them when every time he was near him Zac felt like he had a slight electric currant pulsing around his entire body.

“So,” Taylor stabbed the elevator button and turned to Zac. “Wanna go check on her with me?”

“What?” Zac shook his head a little. “Oh, um. Yeah, sure.”

They stepped onto the elevator, the doors closing after them. Zac bent his arms behind him and placed his hands on the rail, leaning his body just slightly. 

“Tired?” Taylor looked back at him.

“Exhausted,” Zac nodded. “I can’t get my body to adjust.”

“It takes a while,” Taylor shrugged. “You’ll get there. Why don’t we stop for coffee before we go check on our patient? I could use a refill.” Taylor pressed the ground floor button, even though they were already on their way up to their floor. Zac looked down at his still full coffee cup and shook his head.

“How much coffee _do you_ drink?” 

“A lot,” Taylor smirked. “It’s how you adjust.”

*****

Taylor’s whole demeanor changed when he was talking to a patient. Zac was blown away watching him, his eyes soft, voice changed an octave. He listened patiently as the patients mother asked several questions that had already been answered, laid his hand on the patients shoulder when she cried upon being told she was going to be moved to the psych floor for a couple of days to get her compulsions on track and teach her how to manage without ripping her own hair out and eating it, and how his gentle touch really did seem to help, make her feel just a little bit better.

Once Taylor was sure the patient understood what was going to happen, they walked out of the room and towards the nurses station. Zac turned to Taylor halfway and shook his head, smiling, “you are amazing.”

“Huh?” Taylor’s eyes grew a little wider and his cheeks turned a light shade of pink.

“I- uh,” Zac shook his head lightly. “With that patient, you were amazing. You totally calmed her down.”

“It’s a honed skill,” Taylor smiled then. “You’ll get it, too.”

“Did you ever think that maybe you wouldn’t make it? As a doctor, I mean?”

“Never,” Taylor shook his head, holding the chart over the nurses station for her to take. “Not even for a second. Do you?”

“No,” Zac said. “I’m going to be a sur- I am. I am a god damn surgeon.”

Taylor laughed, closing his eyes for a second.

“A god damn surgeon. I like that.”

“It’s…kind of my mantra,” Zac grinned.

“Well, shifts over. How does the god damn surgeon feel about a god damn beer?”

Zac stared at Taylor, turning over his options in his head. On the one hand, he knew he shouldn’t. So far, one hundred percent of the times they’d found themselves in that bar had ended with body parts touching, and that couldn’t keep happening. On the other, he really wanted to be around Taylor. He wanted to keep talking, keep laughing. He wanted to know him.

“Okay,” Zac nodded and then leaned in close so only Taylor could hear him. “But you’re not allowed to kiss me this time.”

Zac leaned away, his face taken over by a grin which only grew when he saw how pink Taylor’s cheeks had grown again.

“I’ll meet you out front, I have to change,” he walked towards the elevator, smiling over his shoulder. Taylor just continued to stare at him until he finally grinned and nodded, shaking his head a little bit afterwards and looking at the floor, his grin never leaving his face.

_Even if I might really, really want you to,_ Zac thought as the elevator doors closed in front of him. You can’t kiss me this time.


	6. Chapter 6

A day off sounded like exactly what Zac needed. He hadn’t had too much time to get his apartment set up or to do anything at all besides walk the halls of the hospital, and he was glad to have an entire day to get his life outside of the hospital in order and maybe not be so damn distracted by Taylor’s face.

Taylor had held to what Zac had said to him and they’d had a great couple of hours out at the bar after work the night before, Taylor definitely _not_ kissing Zac, even if after a few beers, Zac had started questioning if he’d made the right decision in declaring that he wasn’t allowed to. 

He’d found himself getting lost staring at Taylor’s mouth as he spoke to him, staring at the little lines at the corners of his eyes, wondering what they would feel like if he pressed his fingertips to them. He’d shook it all off. Thought after thought about the one person in all of Ohio he shouldn’t be having those kind of thoughts about, batted away and shunned, fighting to come back to him. 

They’d both managed to get through several beers and three hours without doing anything that could compromise Zac’s will to keep things between them normal. By the end of the night it felt to Zac like they could actually have a friendship growing in between them, a path to some normalcy between two people who had never had any normalcy in between them or in the space that had always existed between them.

Zac was sitting on the floor, pulling DVD’s out of a box and shoving them onto the shelf he’d bought and assembled for them when his phone rang, his moms number looking up at him from the screen. He’d been so busy that he realized that he’d neglected to call her at all since he’d been in Ohio, only shooting her a quick text to let her know that he’d arrived safe.

“Hey Mom,” he propped the phone up between his ear and shoulder, continuing to unload DVD’s from the box.

“Hey sweetheart,” Diana’s always cheerful voice filled his ear and he found himself smiling. “How’s the new place?”

“Coming along, I’m shelving my DVD’s right now.”

“Well,” Diana snorted. “That could take all day.”

“It might,” Zac grinned, looking at the four other boxes that were packed full of movies.

“Have you made any new friends? Tell me everything.”

Zac felt his stomach drop. The thought that he’d eventually have to tell his mom that Taylor was working with him, was in fact one of his bosses, had never crossed his mind. He wasn’t sure how he’d allowed that tiny detail to bypass him, but suddenly it was filling him with a plethora of feelings, none of them particularly good. 

“Yeah,” he said, closing his eyes. He hated lying to his mother. “There are two interns who are my age, they’re pretty cool.”

“That’s great,” Diana said, and he could literally hear the smile in her voice. “I hope you’re going to get some living in out there and not spend all of your life working.”

“I know,” Zac chuckled. “I’ll try my best.”

“You’re only young once,” she said what had to be one of her favorite things to remind Zac of. “Don’t waste it.”

“I wont, Mom.”

He picked a collectors edition of Back to the Future out of the box and grinned. They’d watched the movie together so many times, it being one of her favorites, and in turn it turning into one of his.

“Know what movie I just grabbed?” He asked, opening is mouth to tell her when a knock at the door made him look towards it. “Um, hold on, Mom. Someone’s at the door.”

“Are you having friends over? That’s awesome hon-”

“I wasn’t expecting anyone,” Zac cut in, pulling himself off the floor and walking to the door. When he pulled it open, his heart fell to somewhere around his knees, his mouth instantly going dry. “Uh - I need to go, I’ll call you later, or tomorrow. I’ll - um - I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Who is it?” Diana asked, her voice confused.

“Sorry, Mom. I really have to go, I’ll call you tomorrow.”

Zac ended the call and shoved the phone in his pocket before his mom could respond, never taking his eyes off the person standing in his doorway.

“The proper thing to do when you answer the door is to say hello to the person standing at it,” Taylor was grinning, his eyes playful.

“I think the proper thing to do is call before you just show up,” Zac retorted, his hand still on the doorknob. “What are you doing here anyway?”

“Well,” Taylor held up a large brown bag. “I brought lunch. I didn’t think you’d say yes if I called and asked so-”

“So you figured you’d - what, strong arm your way in here? And I’d just be cool with it?”

“Exactly,” Taylor grinned and Zac couldn’t help himself, he let out a small laugh, shaking his head and swinging the door open further.

“Alright then,” he shrugged. “Come on in.”

“So, that was…your mom, huh?” Taylor asked carefully as Zac shut the door behind him and lead him to the kitchen table. Taylor put down the bag and started pulling things out of it, placing them down on the table.

“Yeah,” Zac watched him, overly aware of how strange the situation was. “She was just calling to check in.”

“Did you tell her?” Taylor finally looked up at Zac after he placed the last item on the table. “I mean, about me? That I’m here too?”

“No,” Zac shook his head, pulling a chair out and sitting down. “I didn’t - I guess I just didn’t know how.”

“I get it,” Taylor said, sitting down across from Zac. “It’s a lot to take in. Even for us, and we’re living it.”

“Yeah,” Zac nodded. He could feel himself growing more and more uncomfortable with the facts of exactly who they were to each other looming over them, so he shook his head and smirked. “So, what are you feeding me?”

*****

After eating far too much food from the deli between the hospital and Zac’s house, they’d decided to take a walk to the liquor store and then watch Back to the Future after Taylor declared that he’d never seen the movie. Zac took this as a personal affront to all things cinematic masterpieces and insisted that they rectify Taylor’s unforgivable slight right then and there. They settled down on Zac’s too small couch - more of a love seat - and were sitting side by side, beer bottles resting between their knees, watching as a much younger Michael J Fox sat in a car with his mother, unbeknownst to her.

“I just don’t get it,” Taylor turned to Zac, shaking his head. “It’s okay, but it’s not that great.”

“You’re out of your mind,” Zac rolled his eyes. “This is the best movie ever made.”

“Yeah…I don’t think so,” Taylor chuckled, draining his beer bottle and then leaning forward to place it down on the coffee table with the rest of their empties. “I think we drank the whole 12 pack.”

“Looks like it,” Zac said, draining his own bottle and putting it on the table. “We probably shouldn’t have done that.”

“Probably,” Taylor shrugged. “But, oh well. We have tomorrow off, too.”

Zac settled back on the couch and turned back to the movie, the feeling of Taylor’s gaze lingering on his face making the little hairs at the back of his head stand up.

“You do that a lot, you know,” he said, not looking away from the TV.

“What?”

“Stare,” Zac said, slowly turning his head back towards Taylor. 

“Oh,” Taylor said softly, dropping his gaze to Zac’s chest. “I guess I don’t even realize it sometimes.”

“Am I funny looking or something?” Zac smiled, trying to break the mood.

“No,” Taylor said evenly, his eyes raising back to Zac’s. “You’re - um - you’re beautiful.”

Zac raised his eyebrows, taking in what Taylor had said. Zac thought of himself as a lot of things, but beautiful had never exactly been one of them. Apparently, having stared at Taylor for a beat too long, Taylor sighed and shook his head.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have-”

“It’s okay,” Zac said, shrugging. 

“It’s not, you asked me to make things normal, and I guess I just can’t figure out how.”

“Nothing about our lives were ever normal,” Zac shook his head. “Why start now?” He grabbed the remote from the table and hit the stop button. “What movie do you want to watch next? Your pick this time.”

Taylor smiled then, shaking his head. He stood up and walked over to the shelf, running his finger over the DVDs before plucking one off the shelf and holding it up.

“Now this,” he pointed at the case with his free hand. Jurassic Park. “Is a good movie.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” Zac grinned, propping his feet up on the coffee table. “Put it in.”

*****

Zac opened his eyes to darkness, the only light coming from the DVD menu on the TV. He’d fallen asleep sitting up, his head turned to the side against the back of the couch. He yawned, sitting up and rubbing at the back of his neck, jumping when he heard a tiny snore sound from beside him.

Taylor was sat back on the couch much like Zac was, his legs pulled up to his side, his head resting on the back cushion, sound asleep. Zac thought about waking him up, but a glance at the clock telling him it was after three in the morning changed his mind pretty quickly. 

He got up, stretching his back out and walked to the bedroom, grabbing a throw blanket from the end of his bed and walking back out to where Taylor was. He gently spread the blanket out over Taylor, careful not to wake him. He thought he’d gotten away with it, but just as he was about to turn away and retreat to his bedroom, Taylor’s warm fingers wrapped around his wrist.

He pulled Zac down slowly, his other hand wrapping around the back of Zac’s neck, until their faces were even. He finally opened his eyes when they were face to face, a tiny smile appearing.

“I’m not gonna do it,” Taylor said slowly. “But, I want to kiss you so bad right now.”

Zac blinked a couple of times, Taylor’s breath washing over his face, “I-”

“Don’t want me to, I know,” he let go of Zac’s wrist, his other hand still on his neck. “But, if you did, I would.”

“I-” Zac said again, closing his eyes and shaking his head just slightly. He breathed out, Taylor’s fingers tightening on his neck a little bit, Zac’s hand falling onto the couch at the side of Taylor’s thigh. His voice came out low and breathy, “we really shouldn’t keep doing this.”

“We shouldn’t,” Taylor agreed. “But - do you _want_ to?”

Zac opened his eyes, meeting Taylor’s. He wanted to say no. No was the correct answer, after all, they were brothers. But, then, Zac couldn’t figure out why, if no was the right answer, his stomach was fluttering and his heart pounding faster than it should have been. He couldn’t figure out why, if he was supposed to say no, every piece of his body was screaming that yes, he did, in fact want Taylor to kiss him, and now would be good.

“I-” he said again, cursing himself silently. _Pull it together._ “I-” _Shit!_

Zac could feel himself leaning in to Taylor, could see Taylor’s face growing closer and closer to his own. He wasn’t doing it on purpose, his intentions were to stand straight up, tell Taylor goodnight and go to his room. His intentions weren’t doing this again with him.

Zac got so close that Taylor’s warm breath was whisping over his own lips, he could taste the stale beer and sleep coming from his mouth. Zac closed his eyes again quickly before opening them back up and looking from Taylor’s mouth to his eyes - so close that they were slightly blurry.

“We can’t,” he whispered. “I’m sorry, “ he pulled back quickly, Taylor’s hand falling from his neck to the couch. “I’m sorry.”

Zac turned and headed towards his room, his eyes welling up with tears - why, he wasn’t really sure. “You can - you can stay,” he said without looking back. “It’s too late to go home.”

He shut his bedroom door and dropped down onto the bed, covering his hands with his eyes. _What is wrong with you?_ He thought to himself. _Why do you fuck everything up?_

He laid there for an hour, sleep just refusing to come to him. He was on the verge of driving himself insane when he decided that having a conversation with Taylor about all of the crap between them was probably the only way to make his head stop racing. He got up and walked to the door, pulling it open and stepping into the living room, but a quick look at the couch told him that Taylor wasn’t there. He looked around the apartment quickly before accepting that not only was he not on the couch anymore, but he’d left all together. 

_Great,_ he thought. _Run him right out of your life, that’s the answer._


	7. Chapter 7

Morning came quickly and Zac pulled his workout clothes on, refusing to let anything that may be going a little bit wonky in his mind stop him from his resolution to work out more. He was a doctor, god damn it, and he needed to look like one. How could your patients trust you on their health and wellness if you were unfit yourself? They couldn’t. So, he dragged himself to his complexes gym and stepped on the treadmill, shoving his earbuds in his ears, forcing himself to run a few miles. 

Once he was sufficiently all run out and covered in a sheen of sweat, he walked back to his apartment and showered, brushing his hair into a low ponytail and throwing on a pair of jeans and an old t-shirt. He knew what he had to do, he had talked himself into it during his run. It was the only way to clear the air and make it so him and Taylor could have any semblance of a relationship, they had to stop all of this tension that was always clouding the air in between them.

So he walked to the hospital, practically begging the head nurse on duty to give him Taylor’s address, swearing to her that he’d do vitals for her patients for three days if she’d just tell him. That didn’t work, so he added on doing her charts - something he really didn’t want to do - and she’d caved. 

The taxi ride over to Taylor’s house in a nicer neighborhood than Zac had ever lived in was short, but he jumped out of the car and tossed the driver a $20, telling him to keep the change. He didn’t want to wait and give himself anymore time to change his mind. It was now or never - and it had to be now.

He rang the bell, tapping his foot on the wooden slats of Taylor’s porch, taking in all the cutesy porch decor, the string lights that Taylor had wrapped around the wooden railing of the porch, the rocking chair swing. He was grinning to himself at his shock at Taylor’s decorating skills when a man who was certainly not Taylor answered the door covered in sweat and shirtless.

“Hey,” the guy grinned, just slightly out of breath.

“Oh,” Zac said, his eyes trailing down the guys muscled chest before snapping back up to his face. “Um, is - Taylor, is he here?”

“Yeah,” the guy grinned again, craining his head around the door. “Hanson! You’ve got a cute guy at the door!” He looked back at Zac and waved him into the house. “Come on in, don’t want all this AC going to waste.”

Zac stepped into the house, more than a little uncomfortable. He watched as the shirtless stranger walked out of the room and then he heard him jog up the stairs around the corner. His eyes were scanning the room, floating over all of the black and white photographs that were framed and hung on the walls, the classy looking leather couch and arm chair, the bookshelf that was overflowing with books, all of them looking well loved. His eyes had just landed on the one color photograph in the room, a 5x7 print of his mother and father, two little kids in between them. A lump was forming in his throat when he flinched a little at Taylor’s voice.

“Zac? What are you- how’d you know where I lived?”

Zac looked over at Taylor, his cheeks growing hot.

“I, um- I kind of bribed one of the nurses to give me your address,” Zac’s eyes focused in on Taylor and he realized that he was shirtless, a pair of sweatpants hanging low on his hips. His hair was dripping wet and he held a towel up to the side of his head, rubbing the water out of his hair. “But, I see that you’re…busy.”

“What?” Taylor raised an eyebrow. “I was just showering, I wasn’t doing-”

“The guy? With his- shirt off?” Zac said quietly, looking down at this shoes when he felt his face heat up again.

Taylor laughed - a little too buoyantly, if you asked Zac - causing Zac to look back up at him. The crinkles around his eyes were a little deeper, his eyes themselves almost shut, his mouth open in laugher.

“What?” Zac hissed. “Don’t laugh at me.”

“The guy with his shirt off,” laughed Taylor. “Is my roommate. Alex, or as you’ll come to know him, Doctor Kenshaw.”

“And, you guys just always walk around half naked?”

“We were working out,” Taylor finally stopped laughing, but his smile didn’t fade. “What’s the matter, you jealous?”

“What? No,” Zac shook his head. “I just thought - it was just awkward, that’s all.”

“Right,” Taylor grinned, rubbing the towel over his hair one more time before holding it down at his side. “Well, come on in,” he turned, walking through the living room and into the kitchen, Zac following behind him. “Want some coffee or something? Soda?”

“Soda’s fine,” Zac shrugged. He watched as Taylor took two cans of soda from the fridge and then motioned for Zac to take a seat on one of the stools across the counter. Zac slid onto the stool, Taylor doing the same across from him before sliding one of the cans over.

“I thought you didn’t have time to work out?” Zac asked, recalling their conversation outside of the bar.

“I’m trying to fit it in more often,” Taylor shrugged. “So,” he said, popping his can open. “What made you bribe a nurse for my address?”

Zac rolled his eyes at the smirk on Taylor’s face, not being able to help the small grin growing on his.

“I just thought we should talk.”

“What about?” Taylor sipped his soda, not taking his eyes off Zac’s.

“Just- you know, how-”

“How I spend every minute I’m in front of you wanting to kiss you and I shouldn’t?”

Zac’s eyebrows jumped up on his forehead, his eyes narrowing slightly.

“Are you always so blunt?”

“When I’m comfortable with someone,” Taylor shrugged.

“And you’re comfortable with me?”

“I guess I am.”

Zac bit his lip, not sure how to respond to that. He was a lot of things around Taylor, but he wasn’t sure that comfortable was one of them at that moment. Zac’s eyes trailed from Taylor’s down to the counter top, his hands wrapping around his soda can that he hadn’t bothered to even open yet. There were a lot of words floating through his mind, but none of them seemed appropriate to say out loud, and even if they had, he wasn’t sure they’d make much sense. 

“So, are we going to talk about that, or did you just come here to hold onto a soda can?”

“I mean, we should probably talk about it,” Zac said quietly.

“Okay, so let’s do that,” Taylor leaned back against the back of his stool and let his hands fall to his sides. 

“I don’t know what to say,” Zac sighed. “I thought I did, but I don’t.”

“I know what you want to say,” Zac was taken aback by how calm Taylor was, he didn’t seem to be dealing with the same rapidly beating heart or sweaty palms that were plaguing him. It wasn’t fair, Zac thought, how well Taylor seemed to be handling all of this, while it was twisting his brain all up inside. Taylor tilted his head a little bit to the side, looking Zac in the eyes. “You want to say that what we did, while really fun and really great,” Taylor grinned causing Zac to roll his eyes. “Was wrong, and if we’d had known who each other were before it happened, it never would have happened. You probably also want to say that you never want it to happen again. Am I right?”

“I mean, yeah,” Zac nodded, feeling his shoulders loosen up a little bit. Maybe they were getting on the same page after all. “So, you feel the same way? We can just move on from-”

“No,” Taylor cut in. “I don’t feel the same way.”

“What?” Zac drew his eyebrows together, shaking his head at Taylor.

“I do want it to happen again,” Taylor shrugged. “I’m not going to lie to you. I think about it constantly, every time you’re near me it’s _all_ I can think about. Yeah, if I had known who you were, it wouldn’t have happened. If we had grown up together, it wouldn’t have happened. But, I didn’t, and _we_ didn’t, and-” Taylor sighed, shaking his head and leaning towards the counter, putting his hands on the granite. “I don’t know you as my - as a brother. I only know you as this guy who makes my stomach flutter, and I can’t do anything about that now.”

Zac could feel that he was gaping at Taylor, but he couldn’t make his brain do anything about it. Seconds ticked by, Zac sitting there open mouthed, Taylor leaning on the countertop staring at him, neither of them saying a word. 

“Are you still breathing?” Taylor finally said, leaning back in his seat again. “I didn’t kill you, did I?”

“No,” Zac shook himself out of it. “I mean, I’m still - I’m -” Zac huffed and finally let go of his soda can, putting his arms down by his sides. “What did you say? What…are you crazy?”

“Not as far as I know,” Taylor shrugged. “I’m just telling you how I feel.”

“We’re _brothers_ ,” Zac practically hissed, shaking his head again. 

“Are we?” Taylor pushed his stool back, standing up slowly and walking around the counter. He stopped in front of Zac, putting one palm down on the counter. Zac turned his head to look up at Taylor, who grinned down at him. “It’s wrong because we’re programmed to think it’s wrong,” Taylor dipped his head down a little so he was leaning towards Zac. “We didn’t have that upbringing. We don’t have that connection,” Taylor’s gaze dropped to Zac’s mouth. “But, we do have _a_ connection, and I know I’m not imagining how strong it is.”

“Taylor, I-” Zac sucked in a breath and stopped talking when Taylor’s free hand softly landed on the side of his neck, his thumb on his cheek.

“Tell me you don’t feel it and I’ll back off,” Taylor licked his lips, leaning in closer. “If I do this and you can look me in the eye and tell me there isn’t anything there, I’ll move on.”

“Taylor,” Zac said again, trying to tell himself to shake his head, but all he could do was move his eyes between each of Taylor’s and watch as they grew closer, fluttering shut just as his mouth pressed lightly against Zac’s. 

The kiss was soft and slow, Taylor’s grip on the side of Zac’s neck tighetning just slightly as Zac’s eyes closed and his lips started to move with Taylor’s. All on it’s own, Zac felt his body shift so that it turned in his chair, Taylor settling in between his legs, his other arm leaving the counter and wrapping around Zac’s middle. 

Zac lifted his hands, putting them on Taylor’s hips before sliding them around him, his palms flat on the small of Taylor’s back, the realization that he was still shirtless from his shower sending a current through Zac’s body. Taylor was moving in closer, their bodies pressing together when the sound of Alex coming down the stairs made them both jump slightly, Taylor pulling back just far enough to rest his forehead on Zac’s for a second before standing up straight.

“Just coming down for a drink,” Alex motioned towards the fridge before breezing past them. “I’m working on that research I told you about, the possible way to cure parkinsons disease through brain surgery.”

“Parkinsons is a cause close to Alex’s heart,” Taylor said to Zac, not quite meeting his eyes.

“I think I’m finally getting there,” Alex said, grabbing a soda and shutting the fridge. “If you don’t see me in a few hours, send a rescue team.”

Taylor chuckled and nodded at Alex, watching as he disappeared back up the stairs. He looked up the stairs for a long few seconds and then turned slowly back to Zac.

“So?” He said quietly, closing the space he’d made between them, placing his body in between Zac’s legs, but not touching him. “ _Am_ I crazy, or do you feel it too?”

“I- um-” Zac could feel his mouth go a little dry, and he wanted to lie. He wanted to say no. But, just like before, he couldn’t do it. Instead, he found himself reaching up, putting his hand on Taylor’s cheek and pulling his face back down to his. Right before their mouths pressed back together, Zac had a fleeting thought that this was a mistake, probably a big one. But, once their lips were together, moving a little more urgently than before, Taylor’s hands sliding down Zac’s arms and then around his waist, he was almost convinced that it was a mistake he was more than willing to make.


	8. Chapter 8

“You should be up and around by the end of the week,” Zac smiled down at the Orthopedic patient he was sent in to check on. He hadn’t been on Taylor’s service for a few days, but he couldn’t complain. A general surgeon could only benefit from being placed on the service of residents and attendings who focused on certain specalities. Well rounded, that’s what Zac knew he needed to be, if he ever wanted to be anyone in the medical world. 

“Thank the doctor, sweetie,” the girls mom spoke from her chair by her daughters bed.

“Thanks, Doctor Hanson,” the girl blushed up at him. It had been no secret between all of the doctors on the girls case that she might have grown a tiny crush on Zac. Everyone else seemed to think it was really cute, and assured him it was something that happened around here all the time, but he couldn’t help but think it was a little weird, considering she was only just about to turn fourteen.

“No problem, Haley,” he smiled, heading for the door. “Rest up and we should be discharging you tomorrow.”

“Doctor Hanson?” Taylor’s voice from the door made them all turn towards where he was holding on to the door frame, his head poked into the room. “Can I speak to you when you have a moment?”

“Sure,” Zac nodded, looking back at the patient. “Hit your call button if you need anything.”

He turned back to the door and walked out of the room, joining Taylor in the hallway.

“What did you-”

“Come on,” Taylor grinned, grabbing the chart out of Zac’s hand and tossing it on the nurses station as they walked by. He grabbed his arm and pulled him through the hallway, pushing a door at the end of it open and shutting it behind them, turning the lock before moving his body to Zac’s, pressing him up against the door. “I’ve been thinking about this for hours.”

Taylor’s lips were warm against Zac’s, his hands sliding inside of Zac’s lab coat, underneath the edge of his scrub top and resting on his waist. 

“Should we be doing this in here?” Zac mumbled against Taylor’s mouth, groaning quietly when he felt Taylor growing hard against him.

“Everyone does,” Taylor responded, his tongue moving into Zac’s mouth. 

Taylor was just sliding Zac’s lab coat off his shoulders when his pager went off, the loud beeps echoing off the on call rooms walls. 

“Shit,” Taylor groaned, backing up and looking down at his pager. “Shit,” he said again, leaning in and kissing Zac hard one more time. “I have to go, problem with a patient.”

“Do you need a hand?” Zac asked, moving away from the door and straigtening his lab coat out.

“Yeah, but not the kind you’re offering,” Taylor smirked and Zac rolled his eyes. He had a feeling that their realtionship was going to be a lot of that. Whatever their relationship was. “When’s your shift over?”

“Um,” Zac looked up at the clock on the wall and then back at Taylor. “In an hour.”

“Mine, too,” Taylor nodded. “Harry’s?”

“Are you trying to turn me into an alcoholic?” Zac grinned. It seemed like every single doctor who worked at Akron General spent a good amount of their off time at Harry’s, drinking away the stress of the job.

“Just trying to spend time with you,” Taylor smiled, leaning and kissing Zac again before unlocking the door and pulling it open. “Meet you out front in an hour?”

“Yeah,” Zac smiled, trying and failing to ignore the butterflies that Taylor’s words let loose inside of him. He watched Taylor leave and then sat down on the edge of the small bunkbed, breathing out. He wasn’t sure how Taylor had the strength to just walk back out into the hospital if his body was at all in the state that Zac’s was in right then, and he was sure it was - he had felt it for himself.

*****

The next hour went by smoothly, Zac spent most of it just checking in on patients, giving them updates on their upcoming surgeries or discussing their future care. He was almost always shadowed by his resident, but it didn’t matter much to him. He was feeling pretty confident about the kind of doctor he was already becoming, and the patients seemed to love him. He was feeling pretty good about himself as he jogged down the stairs to the lobby after changing, and that good feeling inside him only transformed into a great feeling when Taylor, who was already in the lobby waiting, turned and smiled at him as he hit the bottom of the stairs.

“Ready?” 

“Ready,” Zac grinned, walking with Taylor to the sliding doors and outside. It was a quick walk to Harry’s, and they took it in easy conversation, exchanging details about their days at the hospital, Taylor lamenting that the intern placed with him that day did almost nothing but stare at him with heart eyes the entire time. Zac chuckled, He could understand why someone would look at Taylor like that, in fact, sometimes he caught himself doing it and had to force the feeling of adoration for him away. Not only was he someone that Zac had just instantly and easily connected with, but he was an amazing surgeon, almost better than any Zac had ever studied or studied under, and how god damn beautiful he was didn’t exactly hurt, either. 

When they arrived at the bar, Taylor pulled the heavy door open and stepped aside so Zac could walk in, “you go grab a table, I’ll get the drinks,” he smiled and walked towards the bar, leaving Zac to scan the already crowded room for a table. He sighed when the only place available for them to sit was a tiny circular couch in the corner, a small round table placed in front of it. They’d have to sit with thier sides pressed together, and Zac wasn’t sure that was conducive to one of them not jumping the others bones in public. The thought that someday, someone they worked with - likely all of them - would find out that they hadn’t just met and they were actually brothers was always at the back of Zac’s mind, and he wasn’t sure that even if he wanted to, he’d be able to find a way to explain that to anyone once the time came. 

He slid onto the sofa and looked over at the bar, surprised to see Taylor was already on his way towards him with two beers. He slid onto the small couch next to him and handed him one, smiling.

“This is cozy.”

“All that was available,” Zac shrugged, taking a sip of his beer. 

“So what do you want to do about this?”

“What?” Zac looked over at Taylor. “Do about what?”

“This thing,” Taylor motioned between them. “Me and you, what are going to do about it?”

“I don’t know what you’re asking me,” Zac raised an eyebrow. 

“I’m asking you,” Taylor laughed, taking a gulp of his beer. “If you want to…I don’t know, persue this with me?”

“Pursue this?”

“Yeah,” Taylor nodded. 

“Are you like, asking me to be your boyfriend, because that’s pretty high school and-”

“Shut up,” Taylor laughed. “I’m just asking you if you want to continue to get to know each other and see what happens from there. And, if that means that eventually you’re my boyfriend, then yeah…that’s what I’m asking you.”

Zac dropped his head so he was looking down at the table in front of him. The word boyfriend in relation to Taylor had let loose that bunch of butterflies again, and he realized that it was exactly what he wanted. Being near Taylor made him feel alive in a way he didn’t remember feeling before. He just had this energy about him that seeped out of his pores and infected the people around him, and Zac wanted to roll around in that forever. Knowing that it wouldn’t be easy and that there were people in their lives who would know their history and who they were to each other replaced the butterflies with a sick feeling.

“How do we explain this?” He didn’t look up from the table, but he could feel Taylor’s eyes on him. “There isn’t a way to explain it, people wont understand.”

“No one here knows us, Zac,” Taylor reached out and placed a hand on his back and Zac’s instinct told him to pull away, but the comfort that the simple touch brought him surprised him, and he found himself leaning into it instead. “As far as they know, my mother died in childbirth and it was only ever Dad and me.”

“You told them Mom died?” Zac looked up at Taylor. 

“It’s always been the most convienent lie,” Taylor shrugged, shaking his head. “I know it’s wrong, but I started saying it when I was just in grade school and it just stuck. You weren’t the only one who felt abandoned, you know.”

“We didn’t-” Zac shook his head, his face twisting. “We didn’t abandon you, Dad packed you up and took off with you, Mom-”

“I don’t want to do this,” Taylor sighed, taking his hand from Zac’s back and grabbing his beer again, taking a sip. “What Dad did or Mom did, or what they did together…none of that should have anything to do with us. We were kids.”

“Yeah,” Zac breathed out and nodded. “I know, and you’re right. I just don’t know how I explain to Mom that this guy - this guy that I’m like, kind of crazy about and can’t stop thinking about…I don’t know how to tell her that that guy is you.”

“You’re crazy about me?” Taylor grinned, leaning in and putting his hand on Zac’s back again. Zac rolled his eyes and groaned, dropping his head into his hand.

“That would be what you took away from that.”

“I mean, it’s a big thing, isn’t it? When you hear that the person you’re crazy about is crazy about you, too?”

“Like you didn’t already know,” Zac rolled his eyes again, making Taylor’s grin grow wider. Taylor leaned in, his hand sliding slowly across Zac’s back, his fingers wrapping around his waist. 

“Say it again,” he said low, his face just inches from Zac’s.

“I’m not going to-”

“ _Say_ it again,” Taylor chuckled, leaning in closer. 

“I might be crazy about you,” Zac mumbled, turning his head so he was eye to eye with Taylor. “Don’t let it give you a big head or any-”

Taylor cut him off, his mouth covering Zac’s and taking any words he had left out of him. It wasn’t really lost on Zac that him and Taylor kissed as if they’d been kissing forever. It wasn’t awkward and fumbling, it was just smooth and perfect and _good_.

Zac had nearly forgotten where they were, the fact that they were out in public, in a bar frequented by all of their coworkers. Nearly, that is, until they heard someone loudly and animatedly clear their throat from in front of them. They turned at the same time, seeing Alex standing there in front of their table, a beer bottle in his hand.

“I could have seen this coming from a mile away,” he laughed.

“Aren’t you supposed to be at the hospital?” Taylor pulled back from Zac and grabbed his beer.

“Got off early,” Alex shrugged. “My last surgery got cancelled.”

“How nice for you,” Taylor took a sip of his beer. “Don’t you have some research to do?”

Alex laughed and took a long sip of his beer and then looked at Zac, grinned and then looked back at Taylor.

“I didn’t mean to ruin your party,” he said, raising one eyebrow before letting it fall. “Maybe, though, you should remember the last time you had a relationship within the hospital, before you go and make _that_ happen all over again. See you at home,” Alex nodded at Zac and then turned and walked away, joining a group of people Zac faintly recognized from the hospital at another table across the room. Zac sighed and then turned to Taylor.

“What did that mean?”

“What?” Taylor sipped his beer, not meeting Zac’s gaze.

“The thing about you having a rela-”

“Nothing,” Taylor shook his head. “Don’t worry about it, okay?”

“Why don’t you want to-”

“Zac,” Taylor said, finally looking back at him. “Please, I don’t want to talk about it. Not now.”

“Who was it?” Zac knew he should just let it go, respect what Taylor was saying and not push him, but he couldn’t. He wanted - needed - to know.

“You don’t know them,” Taylor shook his head just a little. “They’re not at the hospital anymore.”

“Why? Because you-”

“Zac!” Taylor said again, a little more harshly this time, and against his will, Zac felt himself flinch. “Please, just listen to me. I don’t want to talk about this right now, I don’t want to go through it.”

“Okay,” Zac said quietly, dropping his eyes to the table in front of them. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Taylor’s voice was a little lighter, and his hand was on Zac’s back again. “It’s not that I want to keep it from you, I just don’t want to-” he sighed and rubbed a little circle on Zac’s back. “I’ll tell you someday, I promise. Just not tonight.”

Zac didn’t say anything, he just nodded. He supposed he didn’t really have any right to pry into Taylor’s past, especially if Taylor was asking him not to, but that didn’t change the fact that he wanted to know. The way Alex had made it sound, Taylor’s last relationship had caused some drama in the halls of Akron General, and the last thing Zac wanted was to be considered hopsital gossip fodder when people started finding out that him and Taylor were…whatever they were. Easy wasn’t a word Zac would ever have tagged his life as, but he didn’t know that moving here, things would get even more difficult. The luck of switching states, arriving in an unknown place to start your new life, and before you’ve barely even settled in you go and start to fall for someone…and then you find out they’re your long lost brother. _Easy has never been a thing,_ Zac thought. _So why start now?_


	9. Chapter 9

Long day wouldn’t even begin to describe the day that Zac had had. 

He’d been placed on the service of Doctor Watson in pediactrics with Ashley, and he’d spent 95% of their shift wondering why on earth anyone in their right mind would ever want to specalize in something so depressing. 

Sure, there were success stories, patients that Doctor Watson had operated on that had come out the other side just fine, or better than they were before they came into the hospital. But, the horror stories? There seemed to almost be more of them, or maybe it was just that they hit Zac harder, but those were what were sticking to him as he peeled his scrub top over the top of his head and tossed it into his duffle bag, pulling a clean t-shirt out of his locker. 

“How’d you like peds?” Ashley asked cheerfully, stepping up next to him and opening her own locker. 

“Honestly?” He looked at her after pulling his shirt on. “I hated it. I don’t know why you like it.”

“It takes a certain kind of person, that’s for sure,” Ashley laughed softly, pulling her own scrub top off and tossing it into her locker. Zac felt his face heat up a little bit and he turned away, pulling a pair of jeans out of his locker.

“What? Never seen a bra before, Doctor Hanson?” She laughed a little louder that time and when he looked back at her she was still standing there, a tank top in her hand, pink lacy bra on full display for the whole world to see.

“Of course I’ve seen a bra before,” he mumbled, deciding against changing his pants and just shoving his jeans in the duffle along with his scrub top instead. 

“Well your face is a very interesting shade of pink right now,” Ashley chuckled, pulling her tank top on and letting her hair out of it’s ponytail. “Wanna go grab a beer at Harry’s?”

“I don’t think so,” Zac frowned. “Peds kicked my ass, my couch is calling my name.”

“Well,” Ashley pulled a pair of yoga pants out of her locker and shimmied out of her scrub bottoms, Zac’s head turning to look into his open locker again. “I’m all amped from my last surgery and I don’t feel like killing the buzz by going home alone. How does a movie at your place or something sound?”

Zac turned back to her, thankful to see that she was fully dressed. The three of them - Ashley, Zac, and Greg had talked about getting together after work plenty of times already, but they’d never followed through with it, most times they were just too tired, or Zac would go to the bar with Taylor at the end of the day. He tried to come up with a reason not to take her up on the offer, but couldn’t really think of one. Taylor had a long surgery that he’d be in most of the night and Zac was just going to end up sitting on his couch until it was time to go to bed, so he nodded, said yeah, and found himself leaving the hospital with her. 

The whole walk to Zac’s apartment was spent talking about Ashley’s last surgery, a pretty interesting case where half of the babies intestines were on the outside of her body when she was born. 

“I didn’t get to do much,” Ashley shrugged, her voice overflowing with excitement as Zac opened the door to his apartment and they walked inside. “But, it was still amazing to be able to be there, you know? You don’t see something like that every day!”

“Sounds awesome,” Zac smiled, tossing his duffle bag down by the door and leading Ashley into the living room. “Sorry about the mess, I don’t have much time to clean.”

“Please, you should see my place,” Ashley scoffed, plopping down on the couch and kicking her shoes off as if she’d been there several times before and was completely comfortable. “I have two roomates and it looks like a bomb went off all the time. This is practically spotless in comparison.”

“You want a drink? I have soda, beer, water?”

“I’d die for a beer,” Ashley laughed, pulling her phone out of her pocket and tossing it down onto the coffee table. Zac grabbed two beers and uncapped them, tossing the caps in the recycling bin on the way back to the couch, he handed one to Ashley and then sat down on the cushion next to hers, grabbing the remote. He clicked the TV on and groaned when Dr. Phil appeared on the screen, lecturing a woman about pretending to be other people online. 

“This guy is such a quack,” he said, pressing the channel up button.

“Oh, but come on,” Ashley reached for the remote and grabbed it, flipping back to Dr. Phil. “It’s hilarious listening to some of the advice he gives people. I love watching this and just laughing.”

“Really?” Zac looked at her, amusement on his face. “That seems like a weird hobby, to watch a guy just to disagree with him and laugh about it.”

“Hey, we all unwind in different ways,” she grinned, tossing the remote down on the table. “Have you ever actualy watched him?”

“Not for more than a couple of minutes,” Zac shook his head.

“You’ll see, it’ll be funny,” Ashley grinned again, leaning a little towards him on the couch and bringing her legs up on the other side of her. “If you don’t laugh in the first ten minutes, we’ll put something else on.”

*****

Zac hated to admit it, but Ashley was right. Not only did he laugh within the first ten minutes, but he laughed more times than he wanted to admit to in the following two episodes that played after the first. They’d made a drinking game out of taking a drink every time Dr. Phil made an utterly ridiculous comparison, which is apparently something that he did often based on the warm and fuzzy I’ve-had-just-the-right-amount-of-alcohol feeling that had spread through Zac’s body.

When the commercial break ended after the last show and instead of another episode of Dr. Phil starting, Judge Judy appeared instead, they both groaned and then looked at each other and laughed.

“Thought you hated that guy,” Ashley grinned, turning her body and leaning on the cushion on the back of the couch, her elbow resting on top and her chin in her hand.

“I do, but God, that was hilarious,” Zac chuckled, turning and mirroring her position. “What kind of drinking game do you think we could make out of old Judith, here?” He motioned towards the TV and chuckled again.

“Hmm,” Ashley tapped her chin with her fingertip. “Every time she says ‘bologna,’ drink!”

Zac laughed and tilted his head, “and every time she makes some stupid statement like, ‘don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining,’ drink!”

The laughed together, Ashley leaning forward and resting her forehead on Zac’s shoulder. He had to admit, it felt good to feel like he was making a real friend here in Akron. Him and Taylor had grown close, but that was a whole different kind of closeness, and the interns did have a comradarie at work, but he hadn’t had anyone to just hang out with, talk to, just be a friend with in longer than he liked to admit, and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t enjoying Ashley’s company right then. He was finding himself imagining what it would be like to add Greg to the picture, maybe have a game night - everyone liked a nice competitve game of Scrabble - when Ashley tilted her head up and smiled at him. He smiled back and was about to share his thoughts with her when she moved her whole body so she was closer to him and pressed her lips firmly against his. 

The shock of her action froze him to his spot, his eyes wide open, staring at her closed ones. Her lips moved slightly and he felt his own, on instinct, move with them, her hand warm when it landed on the back of his neck. His head was screaming at him, telling him to tell her to stop, to pull his head back, but his eyes fluttered closed and his mouth moved with hers, his lips parting as she deepened the kiss. 

When her other arm dropped from the cushion on the back of the couch and slid to his side, his eyes popped back open and he put a hand on her shoulder, pulling gently away from her. Her eyes opened slowly and her eyebrows drew together, a silent question between them.

“I’m sorry,” Zac said quietly. “I’m- it’s just that-”

“You don’t like me like that.” She finished for him and he frowned, the thought of hurting her feelings upsetting her.

“It’s not that,” he said, shaking his head. “I mean, it is. It’s just that, it’s not you. I’m just-”

“Oh my God,” she said quietly, backing up and pulling her legs in front of her. 

“I’m- um,” he shook his head. “Well, I’m kind of seeing somebody, and also there’s this thing where, um,” he looked around the room as if there would be anything there to help him and then he looked back at her and shrugged. “I’m totally gay.”

“You’re gay,” she repeated, nodding her head. “You know, Greg said it. He said, Hanson’s definitely batting for the other team, and I just laughed. But, you are,” she looked back at him. “You really are.”

“I really am,” Zac couldn’t help but grin. “I should have been more upfront about it. It’s just not something that I just announce.”

“Of course not,” she shook her head. “I’m embarassed,” she laughed softly.

“Don’t be,” Zac shook his head. “Seriously.”

“So,” she tilted her head and grinned. “Who’s the guy?”

*****

Ashley ended up crashing on the couch for the night. They’d stayed up later than they should have talking about Zac’s journey to figuring out who he was and how he’d gotten to the point where he was comfortable with that. They’d ended the night with Zac feeling really good about the fact that he really did have a friend now, it might not have started perfectly, but he was sure that they’d be friends for a long time.

Zac was making them to go cups of coffee while Ashley brushed her hair and pulled it up into a bun on the top of her head. They both had to be at the hospital in less than an hour and neither of them were feeling too thrilled about it.

“Giving myself a hangover when I have to pull a double probably wasn’t the best idea,” Ashley grumbled, walking into the kitchen and accepting the cup of coffee Zac held out to her. She lifted it to her mouth and blew on it for a few seconds before taking a slow sip. “Ah, this is great. You’re an angel.”

“My pleasure,” he grinned, pushing a lid onto his own cup and grabbing his bag. “It’s a good thing I have an extra set of scrubs in my locker. I never washed yesterdays.”

“Who’s service do you think you’ll be on today?” Ashley asked as they walked to the door.

“Hopefully Tayl- Doctor Hanson’s,” Zac said, pulling the door open and letting her walk out. He locked it behind them and they walked out into the parking lot. “I can’t take another day in peds,” he grinned, nudging her with his shoulder.

“You could grow to love it, you know.”

“I highly doubt that,” Zac shook his head. “It takes a lot out of you.”

“Yeah, but when it’s rewarding, it’s really rewarding.”

“I can see how that would be true,” Zac hoisted his duffle bag higher on his shoulder as they walked. “I don’t think I can stand seeing all those kids in pain. Somehow, with adults it’s easier.”

“You know you’ll get some kids in General, right?” 

“Yeah, but not nearly as many as you,” Zac chuckled. 

They crossed the street, step in step with one another, chatting about work when a car pulled up beside them, it’s passenger window rolling down.

“You guys want a ride?” Taylor leaned over towards the passenger window and smiled at them.

“We’re almost there,” Zac grinned, waving his arm towards the hospital.

“Yeah, but it’ll be faster this way, come on, get in,” Taylor hit the button to unlock the doors, Ashley and Zac shrugging at each other before Zac hopped into the passenger seat and Ashley hopped into the back.

“Do you guys live in the same complex?” Taylor asked as he pulled away from the curb.

“No,” Zac looked over at him, settling his duffle bag between his feet. “Ashley spent the night last night.”

“Oh?” Taylor lifted an eyebrow, looking at Zac out of the corner of his eye. “Did she? That’s nice.”

“If you ever want a fun game to play, our Dr. Phil drinking game is cream of the crop,” Ashley laughed from the backseat.

“Sounds interesting. You’ll have to tell me about it sometime,” Taylor turned his head fully to look at Zac, the corner of his mouth lifted just slightly. Zac rolled his eyes and grinned, looking out the windshield as Taylor took a left instead of a right into the hospital.

“Where are you going?” 

“Starbucks, I try to start my day with better coffee than the schwill they give us,” he pulled into the shopping complex that the Starbucks was placed at the back of. “You guys want something? My treat.”

They went through the drive thru, Taylor ordering three coffees and refusing to allow anyone else to pay, insisting that a full residents pay was better than an interns. Zac wasn’t sure if he should take that as kindness or an insult, but either way, he wasn’t complaining since the coffee he’d made when they’d left the house was already nearly gone. 

Taylor handed out the coffees and then pulled out of the parking lot, driving across the street to the hospital. They got out of the car and walked inside and to the elevators, Ashley and Zac turning to go to the left to the locker room, but Taylor stopped Zac by grabbing onto his elbow.

“Can I speak with you quickly?”

“I uh, have to change,” Zac motioned towards where Ashley was standing waiting for him.

“It wont take long,” Taylor had his serious face on and Zac wasn’t sure what he was playing at. “It’s about…having you on my service.”

“Yeah, okay,” Zac nodded, turning to look at Ashley. “I’ll be right there.”

She nodded and turned, heading for their locker room, Zac turned back to Taylor to ask him what about being on his service they couldn’t possibly talk about later, but before he could get a word out, Taylor reached around him and opened the door to an oncall room, pushing them both inside and closing and locking it.

“Did you sleep with her?” He said quickly before Zac even had a chance to realize where they were. 

“What? No, I did not sleep-”

“Promise?” Taylor asked, stepping closer to him and putting his hand on the door behind Zac’s head.

“Are you…jealous, Doctor Hanson?” Zac smirked, putting his hands on Taylor’s hips and pulling him a little bit closer. 

“I don’t want you to sleep with anyone else,” Taylor spoke quietly, his free hand landing on Zac’s waist. “I know we haven’t talked about that, but, if you don’t mind, I’d really like it if we weren’t…seeing other people?”

The end of his sentence came out like a question and Zac couldn’t help but smile at the way he seemed hesitatnt to put himself out there in the way that he was, almost like he wasn’t the one between them that was usually completely sure of himself. 

“Okay,” Zac said, his smirk turning into a smile. “We wont see other people.”

“Really?” Taylor smiled. 

“Yeah, really,” Zac nodded, pulling Taylor even closer to him, his hands moving from his hips to his back. “I do have to tell you, though, she did kiss me. I stopped it, but it happened.”

“Oh yeah?” Taylor leaned in. “Did she kiss you like this?”

He brought his hand down from beside Zac’s head and placed it on his cheek, kissing him slowly, but hungrily, his thumb brushing back and forth slowly. He pressed his whole body against Zac’s, breathing roughly into his mouth when he felt how hard Zac already was. 

A sense of deja vu shot through Zac when a knock on the door made them jump.

“What’s the point of a place for some peace if you can never get any,” Taylor mumbled, pulling back from Zac just long enough to voice the complaint before leaning in and kissing him softly again.

Whoever was deciding now was the best time to need access to the room knocked again and Taylor groaned, pulling back from Zac again.

“I guess we should answer,” Zac mumbled and Taylor nodded, backing up so Zac could move away from the door.

“Just one more,” Taylor grinned, grabbing the front of Zac’s shirt and gently pulling him towards him, kissing him quickly a few times before letting him go. He stepped back again, straightening out his clothes, Zac doing the same and then pulled the door open. Zac watched as Taylor’s face went from a smile, to an open mouthed stare, the blood draining from it a little bit.

“Well, this is a familiar sight,” a tall, thin, pretty brunette that Zac had never seen in the hospital before said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. She was wearing light blue scrubs, a lab coat over them, with a stethescope hanging around her neck. Zac could literally feel the tension mounting in Taylor next to him and for a reason he couldn’t explain, his stomach was growing a small knot inside of it.

“Kylie,” Taylor said quietly. “What are you doing here?”


	10. Chapter 10

The look on Taylor’s face was something between guilt and anger, and Zac wasn’t really sure how to process the two emotions he could feel seeping off Taylor at the same time. 

“Chief Hollis called me in, you know, big risky surgery. Felt I was the best man for the job,” the woman lifted an eyebrow quickly with a smirk on her face. 

“Good of her to give me a heads up,” Taylor muttered.

“I might have asked her not to,” the woman - Kylie from what Taylor had said - shrugged. “And this is?” She asked, turning to face Zac.

“Zac,” Taylor answered before he could, “this is Zac. He’s my intern, well, an intern, but I’m hoping to have him placed on my service permanently.”

“Do you always hide in the on call room with your interns?” 

“Kylie,” Taylor said through clenched teeth. “Don’t start.”

“I’m just asking,” she shrugged, a smirk playing on her mouth. “Anyway, I need you. This surgery is going to be all hands on deck,” she turned to Zac. “You ready to see something awesome?”

*****

“Do you know anything about this Kylie woman that the Chief called here to take lead on a surgery?” Zac asked Greg and Ashley as he was pulling his lab coat on in the locker room.

“She’s a legend,” Greg said. “Transferred to Mass General two years ago, was so good she was offered Chief of General Surgery before she even finished her residency. They bumped her up three years to give her the position. 

“What?” Ashley said. “That’s unheard of.”

“Not anymore,” Greg shrugged. “She comes from a long line of surgeons, fifth generation, I think. She’s won all sorts of awards.”

“Impressive,” Zac nodded. “I’m scrubbing in with them. She actually invited me.”

“What?” Greg shouted, causing Zac to jump as he closed his locker.

“I was with Tay- Doctor Hanson when she told him about the surgery. He’s operating with her and she offered to let me scrub in,” Zac shrugged. “It’s not a big deal, right place at the right time.”

“Wow,” Greg nodded, walking towards the door. “Three Doctor Hanson’s in one OR. That should be interesting.”

Zac felt a pang of something, what he wasn’t sure, go through his body and he looked at Ashley.

“What’s he talking about, three Doctor Hanson’s?”

“Don’t ask me,” Ashley shrugged.

“Kylie Hanson,” Greg pulled the door open. “I’m telling you man, she’s a legend. How do you guys not know this stuff?”

*****

The big, all hands on deck surgery went by in a complete blur for Zac. If you’d have asked him what was happening while it was happening, he’d have been able to tell you. But, now, standing at the sink, washing his hands, the only things he could remember were the barbs Kylie had thrown at Taylor throughout the entire thing. He could remember Taylor’s face as Kylie had thrown shots at him, one after another, until Zac wanted to climb across the operating table and shove a scalpel into her neck. He had no idea what Taylor had possibly done to make her hate him so much, but he knew one thing, he didn’t like the way she was speaking to him.

Zac had come to the assumption that Kylie had to be Taylor’s sister. That their dad must have had another child after he’d left them, and she was it. He couldn’t think of any other reason that some random woman who happened to have the same name as them would be so vindictive towards him. The thing that shocked Zac most was the way she went about it. She’d fire barbs at him as if she didn’t even have to think about the words that left her mouth, but she’d do it with a smile on her face the entire time. Taylor just took them, occasionally shooting Zac an apologetic look, which Zac would shake off every time. 

Scrubbing out seemed to drag on forever, Zac stationed directly in between Taylor and Kylie, all three of them silently washing themselves. Silence didn’t help to drown out the tension in the room, if anything it only made it louder, Zac’s shoulders were so tense and the low buzzing in between his ears was starting to drive him crazy. Finally when Kylie shut her faucet off and turned for the door, shooting an ‘it’s always a pleasure,’ paired with a smirk over her shoulder, Zac felt about a hundred pounds float off of him.

“I’m sorry about that,” Taylor halfheartedly grinned at Zac as he shut his own faucet off.

“What’s _with_ that?” Zac asked, repeating Taylor’s motions, both of them grabbing towels to dry their hands and arms. “Why does she hate you so much?”

“It’s a long story,” Taylor sighed. “Getting in to it now would take forever.”

“Okay,” Zac nodded, pushing his scrub cap off of his head and holding it down by his side. “I just don’t get what could have happened to make a sister hate her brother so-”

“Sister?” Taylor asked, shaking his head. “Kylie isn’t…Zac,” Taylor sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose before looking at him again. “Zac, Kylie is my ex wife.”

*****

Zac could hear the words playing over and over again in his head as he laid on his back in the on call room. “Kylie is my ex wife,” just on repeat as if it was trying to drill itself into his brain.

Taylor had walked out of the room, a quick ‘I can’t do this right now,’ spoken low in Zac’s direction, and as far as Zac was concerned it was quite the offense to drop a bomb like that with no plans to follow it up, explain exactly just what the hell he was talking about.

Zac remembered the night at the bar, the way Doctor Kenshaw had quipped about the last time Taylor had had relations within the hospital, the way Taylor hadn’t wanted to talk about it. Zac had just assumed that the relationship Kenshaw had been talking about was with another man, the fact that Taylor could have been previously married, and to a woman, hadn’t even crossed Zac’s mind. 

When he stopped to think about, he realized that he shouldn’t have been making any assumptions about Taylor’s life before he’d gotten there. So many years had passed, Taylor could have been doing anything, with anyone, during that time. And apparently he had been. 

Zac cursed at himself, rolling over onto his side facing the wall. It shouldn’t matter. Anything that Taylor did, what his life was life, before Zac had turned up in Akron shouldn’t matter at all. It’s not like Zac was out in Oklahoma living his life and making decisions with the thought of Taylor popping back up one day in his mind. But, then why did it feel like it mattered so much? They’d agreed to try this thing, the two of them together, but it seemed like any time the question of his past came up, Taylor did whatever he could to avoid answering. Zac didn’t like secrets and he didn’t want to invite any into a new relationship. Especially one that already felt so precarious.

*****

Zac didn’t know how long he’d been sleeping, but he knew he was gently being shaken awake. He groaned, turning onto his back and opening his eyes, seeing Taylor sitting on the edge of the bed looking down on him.

“Hey,” Taylor said softly. 

“Hey.”

“Scootch over,” Taylor nodded his head toward the wall, laying down on his back next to Zac when he did. “We can talk about it, if you want.”

“Do you want?” Zac asked, brushing his hair out of his face. “I mean, it’s your life.”

“Well,” Taylor turned his head to look at Zac. “It’s kind of your life now, too, isn’t it? I mean…if you still want to…if we’re going to-”

“Are we?” Zac asked, turning his head to return Taylor’s gaze. 

“I want to,” Taylor smiled, turning onto his side and putting his hand on Zac’s neck, brushing his thumb across his jaw. “I really want to.”

“Okay,” Zac turned onto his side, his hand sliding onto Taylor’s hip. “I want to, too.”

“I guess we should talk, then,” Taylor groaned, both of their pagers going off one after the other. “Of course,” he mumbled. “Welcome to hospital life, theres always an emergency when you’re trying to deal with something important.”

Taylor rose from the bed, straightening out his scrubs, Zac following behind him.

“I guess an emergency is pretty important too,” Zac grinned.

“I guess,” Taylor smiled, sliding his arms around Zac’s waist and kissing him softly. “I promise we’ll continue this. You’re off in a couple of hours right?”

Zac nodded, sliding his feet into his sneakers and kneeling down to tie them.

“I’ll give you a ride home, we can talk then?”

“Yeah,” Zac nodded. “Medicine calls,” he stood up squeezing Taylor’s shoulder on his way to the door. “Let’s go see what they’ve got for us.”

*****

Their patient who had been moved to psych had relapsed, tearing strands of her hair out and eating them again, and they’d basically called Zac and Taylor in to scare her into stopping. If a major surgery to remove the damage she’d already done didn’t work, Zac failed to understand how a stern talking to would help, but they’d done their best.

They’d gone their separate ways after that, Zac checking in with post-op patients and Taylor doing whatever it was that Taylor did when he was away from Zac. 

Finally, when their shifts had ended, Zac met Taylor down in the lobby. He followed him to his car, watching as Taylor leaned back in the seat for a few seconds before starting it. 

“You okay?” Zac reached over and put a hand on Taylor’s knee.

“Yeah,” Taylor turned his head to look at Zac. He looked exhausted.

“We don’t have to do this tonight,” Zac started. “We could-”

“No,” Taylor shook his head. “No, it’s important. I just,” Taylor sighed, putting his hand on top of Zac’s and frowning. “I don’t want it to change how you look at me.”

“It wont,” Zac shook his head.

“You don’t know that,” Taylor looked back out the windshield. “You can’t say that, because you don’t know what it is.”

“Well,” Zac turned his hand so he could link his fingers with Taylor’s. “I’m pretty confident.”

Taylor looked back at him and then sighed again, leaning across the console and kissing him. He squeezed Zac’s hand, his other hand coming up to the back of Zac’s neck. He kissed him softly and slowly, his tongue gently pushing it’s way into Zac’s mouth. He pulled back, leaning foward to kiss him quickly one more time before resting his forehead on Zac’s.

“I had to do that,” he said quietly, pulling back and turning the key in the ignition to start the car. “Just in case you didn’t want me to anymore…after.”

 

They drove the short distance to Zac’s apartment in silence, Taylor humming along with the radio, Zac drumming his fingers on his thighs. When they were finally settled in on the couch, cans of Coke in their hands, Zac turned to Taylor.

“It can’t be that bad.”

“It’s pretty bad,” Taylor shrugged. “I’ve made mistakes.”

“I think everyone has?” Zac shook his head. “Maybe you’re just beating yourself up worse for yours.”

“I don’t know,” Taylor sighed. “I guess, I guess you should know that I married Kylie when I was young. We went to pre-med together. We started dating pretty quickly after we met. I’d never even dated before her, every thing was new to me.”

He took a sip of his soda, placing the can down on the coffee table and turning his body so he was facing Zac completely. 

“So, pretty much all of my first were with her. We went to med school together, got married a year into it. I wasn’t ready to make that kind of decision, I never should have been starting a life with someone. I didn’t even know who I was yet, all I knew was that I was going to be a surgeon, everything else was up in the air.”

Taylor looked down at the couch cushion in between them, his fingers playing with a stray thread in the stitching. 

“So,” he continued, his voice unsure. “We both got accepted into the internship program at Akron Gen, she flew by me in performance, and pretty much every thing else. I guess that’s not important,” he stopped, looking up at Zac. 

Seeing this side of Taylor was slightly shocking for Zac. He was so used to this guy who was so sure of himself all the time, who didn’t seem to stop to consider what he was saying because he didn’t have to - he was just confident enough to say anything that was on his mind. The Taylor sitting in front of Zac was completely different. Unsure, unsteady, seemingy questioning every word before it came out of his mouth. 

“I always-” Taylor sighed again, Zac was seconds from telling him to forget it, that they could talk about it another time. But, something in him told him that maybe Taylor would be better - feel better - once he just got it out, so he watched him patiently, reaching his hand over to hold Taylor’s loosely while he waited for him to continue. “The first year into the program, I met someone. Um, this guy. His name was Ben and-” Taylor smiled softly, shaking his head. “He was great. We became close really fast, you know? Just hit it off before we even really knew each others names. By the second week we were spending all of our time together, on the clock and off. Kylie was working longer hours than me, she seemed to always be at the hospital. I swore she only slept at home once a week, if that, sometimes. She was the chiefs pet, star intern, you know? It was like her career was taking her in a different direction…away from me. And,” Taylor looked up at Zac and shrugged. “It almost felt like a relief. Something wasn’t right with us, you could tell, and both of us were thinking it, it wasn’t just me. And Ben - he was just - God, he was there for me in a way no friend ever had been. Before I knew what was happening…I didn’t mean it, Zac, I didn’t, but…I fell in love with him.”

Zac nodded softly. He knew that that was where this was going. He could feel it, he saw it in Taylor’s eyes when he’d first said Ben’s name. 

“We transitioned from friends to lovers really quickly, smoothly, it was almost like nothing had changed at all. We were just _good_ , everything was good. Until, I guess…I guess you could say we got a little bit careless. We’d done a good job of keeping our relationship out of the hospital, only behind closed doors. But, we got reckless and one day, well-” Taylor let out a breath and shrugged. “Kylie walked in on us. In an on call room. We were…well, I’m sure you know, I don’t have to paint a picture, but, it wasn’t a moment you’d want someone to walk in on…especially not your wife. Even if by that point she was only that in name.”

Zac didn’t know what to say, so he didn’t say anything at all. He just squeezed Taylor’s hand, moving a little closer to him on the couch. You could hear it in Taylor’s voice that this still brought him pain, even if it was a long time ago, the wounds hadn’t fully healed.

“She didn’t waste any time. She filed for divorce three days later, I’m sure it would have been sooner if she’d had a day off before then,” Taylor scoffed. “She moved out, put in for a transfer and it only took about ten minutes for a high ranking hospital to scoop her up. She was already a bit of a legend by that time…it was the end of our second year then. She left and I’ve only seen her three times since then. Once to finalize the divorce, and twice when the chief has called her in for surgeries…and then, obviously now.”

Zac nodded, moving his other hand to brush a stray piece of hair out of Taylor’s eyes.

“I don’t regret it, you know?” Taylor continued. “I mean, I regret hurting her, but I’m not even sure I really did. I don’t think she was in love with me then, I think the shine had dulled on our relationship long before she found us in that on call room. But, I don’t regret falling in love with him, I can’t,” he shook his head. “I didn’t know who I was before I fell in love with him, but I did after. I’m still a surgeon, but I’m more than that. I had never felt that way again, after him. No one had ever sparked that feeling inside of me, like I just had to be with them, had to be near them. I’ve never just needed to be with someone like that,” he looked up at Zac again. “Until now.”

“What happened to Ben?” Zac asked quietly, not even really sure he wanted an answer.

“He eventually left. He was out and I wasn’t - I guess I’m still really not, not at the hospital at least - and he wanted things to move faster than I was comfortable with once Kylie was out of the picture. I just wasn’t ready and it was too much for him to deal with. He got an offer in Boston and he took it. I haven’t seen or heard from him since.”

“Do you still love him?”

“No,” Taylor smiled, shaking his head. “I miss him sometimes, but I’ve moved on.”

A silence fell over them and Zac could instinctively tell that Taylor had said about all he wanted to on the topic. 

Taylor shifted his body, stretching his legs out and throwing them over the arm of the couch, his knees bent over it. He dropped his head into Zac’s lap and looked up at him, his eyes wide.

“So, do I have too much baggage for you?” His tone was serious and his voice a little sad, but he was smiling.

“Are you kidding?” Zac laughed softly. “You don’t have the market cornered on baggage, Doctor Hanson. If you can handle mine, I’m sure I can handle yours.”

Taylor nodded, putting a hand on the back on Zac’s neck and pulling his face down to his own. 

“Looking forward to it,” he whispered, pressing their mouths together softly.


	11. Chapter 11

Having Kylie in the hospital was an extreme form of uncomfortable. It wasn’t that she was rude or hostile towards Zac, in fact she was the exact opposite. She was sweet as pie anytime they were in the same area, tossing Zac a granola bar from a few feet down the hallway three quarters of the way through a long shift, sitting down next to him in the cafeteria and giving him advice on how to keep his energy up through the next handful of grueling years. She seemed to go out of her way to be kind to him, pulling him into the post-op meeting for their patient so he could get an idea of how those went and then having him brief the patient on how the surgery went. 

It was Taylor who was on the receiving end of all of her venom, and oh was there a lot of it. Anytime the two of them were in the same area she had some kind of a comment to say, sometimes under her breath, but most often out-loud for everyone to hear. Zac made a concentrated effort to turn his ears off whenever the three of them were occupying a space together and he’d been doing a pretty good job of it. If Taylor was feeling the heat from her presence, he was playing it cool.

Until he wasn’t anymore.

Zac was laying in the on call room, taking full advantage of a half an hour of silence, when the door banged open, hitting the wall. Taylor burst into the room, slamming the door shut behind him and stopped next to the bed, looking down at Zac, his hands balled into fists and resting on his hips.

“I can’t believe this shit,” he spat, shaking his head.

“Uh-” Zac pushed himself into a sitting position and shook his head right back. “What…shit?”

“Hollis asked her to stay!” Taylor’s arms flew up and then slammed down on his thighs. He let out a deep groan and then sat down on the edge of the bed. “She knows. She _knows_ we can’t work together and she asked her to stay on here for the week, help out. Apparently we’re short staffed, which is news to _me_. I can’t believe-”

“It’s not a big deal, Tay,” Zac brushed his hair back from his face and then rested his hand on top of Taylor’s. “It’s just a week.”

“She’s making my life hell,” Taylor sighed. “She’s not going to stop. She still hates me, why can’t she just move on?”

“You probably really hurt her?” Zac said quietly, not missing it when a flash of pain washed over Taylor’s face. “She probably…she probably still feels that, you know?”

“Yeah,” Taylor nodded, looking down at his knees. “You’re probably right.”

*****

“How are you liking Akron Gen so far?”

Zac looked over to see Kylie sliding into the chair next to his. This was the third time this week that she’d invited herself to have lunch with him and he found himself wishing that Taylor had a break at the same time as him. If Taylor were there she wouldn’t sit with him, she’d sit somewhere across the room and throw daggers at him with her eyes instead. That sounded about thirty percent more pleasant than whatever this was.

“I like it,” he nodded, looking back down at his sandwich.

“I think you’re going to become a very good general surgeon,” she spoke again after a few seconds of silence. “The way you are with the patients is impressive, you’ve built up a great bed-side manner already. That usually takes more time.”

He nodded again, taking a bite from his sandwich. He worked on chewing it, his eyes trained on the can of soda placed in front of his tray. 

“I’d hate to see you get wrapped up in something crazy and it effect your work here at the hospital,” her words were even and soft, but they might as well have had knives attached to them. He knew exactly what she was getting at and quite frankly, he wasn’t interested in hearing it from her. “Taylor is a great guy,” she continued. “But, he isn’t a one relationship man, never has been. I’d hate to see you make the same mistakes that I did. What happened with us almost ruined my career and it could have ruined his if I hadn’t of been so discreet.”

“It was years ago,” Zac dropped his sandwich onto his tray and turned to her. “People change.”

“I’ve known Taylor for a really long time, Zac,” Kylie smiled kindly. “I doubt he’s changed.”

“You’ve been gone since-” Zac shook his head. “You don’t know him anymore.”

“And you do?” She tilted her head a little bit, her lips still upturned in a tiny smile. “Let’s face it, Zac. We probably both know him the same amount at this point,” she crinkled up her nose. “But I was married to him and I have first hand knowledge of what he’ll do to someone else to get what he wants.”

“You can’t help who you fall for,” Zac said. “I’m sure he didn’t mean to hurt you. I-”

“Taylor has slept his way through this hospital from the minute we got here,” Kylie’s voice took a more serrated edge, her fingers wrapping around the disposable coffee cup that was placed in front of her. “Ben wasn’t the only on call action Taylor had around here.”

“What?” Zac shook his head. “How can you know that? You haven’t been here in-”

“I still have friends here, Zac,” she shrugged, her smile back. “I know what you’re thinking. The jilted ex-wife, back from her big life in Boston to exact revenge on the ex-husband who cheated on her right under her nose.” She shook her head and pushed her chair back, her hand falling to Zac’s shoulder when she stood. “That’s not what I’m doing. I’m just trying to help you. Don’t waste your career on a man, even one as charming as Doctor Hanson.”

And then she was gone, along with Zac’s appetite. He sighed and pushed his chair back, getting up and grabbing his tray and soda. He dumped it all in the trash and made his way to the elevator, everything Kylie has said rolling around in his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This update only took 6,372.7 years, but I got my steam back on this one. Hope you enjoy!


	12. Chapter 12

Zac was dreaming, and in his dream someone was banging loudly on something far away that he couldn’t quite figure out. He was looking back and forth, back and forth, trying to figure out where the urgent bangs were coming from but no matter where he looked, he just couldn’t find the source of the noise. 

It wasn’t until the banging got significantly louder and faster that Zac’s eyes flew open and he realized that it wasn’t happening in his dream, it was happening across his apartment on the other side of the door. 

He groaned and heaved himself out of bed and across the apartment, undoing the chain lock and flipping the deadbolt. He pulled the door open and before he could even say anything Taylor was pushing around him and into the apartment. Zac shut the door and turned, opening his mouth, but Taylor beat him to it.

“You’re not answering my calls,” he said quickly. His hair was sticking up everywhere and he looked a little crazed. “You didn’t come to work today and you’re not answering my calls.”

“It was my day off,” Zac mumbled, looking down at the carpet. The rest was true, he _wasn’t_ answering Taylor’s calls. Everything that Kylie had said to him just continued to get louder and louder in his head until he couldn’t take it anymore. He’d left the hospital that night once his shift was over without finding Taylor or going to Harry’s the way they usually did and went home, shut off his phone and fell asleep. 

He’d woken up somewhere around noon, scarfed down some leftover pizza and then crawled back into his bed, the effects of working 30 hour shifts not lessening any with how long he’d been at the hospital. He wasn’t sure they ever would, he could only hope. 

“Why aren’t you answering my calls?”

“My phone is off?” Zac said. He knew it sounded more like a question, more like a lie than a statement. His phone _was_ off, but even if it weren’t, he probably still wouldn’t have answered Taylor’s calls. 

“What did I do?” Taylor sighed and walked around Zac. He dropped down onto the couch and leaned back, running his hands over his face and then his head, pulling his beanie off in the process. “Just tell me what I did.”

“Nothing,” Zac said quietly. “Yet.”

“What?” Taylor’s head snapped over to look at where Zac was still standing behind the couch. “What does that mean?”

Zac didn’t say anything, he just looked over at Taylor for a few seconds and took him in. His face was colored with hurt and it was a little shocking to Zac just how upset he looked over this. They were still new, and if the things Kylie had said were right, why would Zac not answering his phone for one day effect him this much? Zac let out his own sigh and then walked around the couch, sitting down next to Taylor.

“Kylie might have said some things,” he leaned his elbows on his thighs and leaned forward, looking down at the rug. “I think she got into my head a little bit.”

Taylor was quiet and then he let out a grunt. Zac felt him shift on the couch. “What’d she say?”

“She kind of said you were a slut,” Zac shrugged. “Implied that being with you was a detriment to my career.”

“She just can’t stop, can she?” Taylor sighed again. “She can’t stand to see me happy.”

“Are you…a slut?” Zac asked, and he almost laughed at how absurd it sounded coming out of his mouth. “Do I have to worry that you’re going to start hooking up with some other innocent intern and run me out of the hospital?”

“Are you calling yourself an innocent intern?” Taylor snorted. “I happen to know that you are the very opposite of innocent.”

“You know what I mean,” Zac finally turned his head and looked at Taylor. He instantly cursed himself for running away from his problems instead of facing them head on. He realized quickly that he didn’t even care if Taylor _had_ been a slut before he got to Akron. None of that mattered, all that mattered was now.

“I’ve had my fair share of…partners,” Taylor shrugged a shoulder and then reached over. He grabbed Zac’s hand and pulled it towards him, resting their linked hands in his lap. “But, I never cheated on anyone else, not after what I did to Kylie. I learned my lesson and I never had a reason to. This isn’t just a hookup for me, Zac.”

Zac nodded and scooted closer to Taylor on the couch. “Me either.”

“Can we please communicate better?” Taylor frowned. “Instead of all this drama? Can we just talk when there’s a problem?”

“We can try,” Zac nodded again. “I don’t really know how to do these…relationship things.”

“We can learn together,” Taylor smiled a little. “I’m willing to try if you are.”

Zac looked at him and leaned forward, stopping when their noses were almost touching. “I’m in.”

Their mouths touched and it was like the dam was broken. Within seconds hands were flying and clothes were being tossed over the back of the couch, their movements frantic as if they’d been deprived each others bodies for too long and if they didn’t rectify it instantly they’d both die. 

They somehow made their way into Zac’s bedroom without killing themselves, the door flinging shut behind them. Taylor barely moved from where he’d landed on top of Zac to pull open the nightstand drawer and grab a condom. He ripped it open with his teeth and threw the wrapper on the floor before sitting back on his knees, his thighs on either side of Zac’s legs. Zac watched while Taylor slowly rolled the condom on, sure that if five more seconds went by without Taylor inside of him he’d die - and then he was and in one second Zac decided that he didn’t give a single shit about what Kylie Hanson - or anyone else - had to say.

*****

“It doesn’t make sense,” Taylor’s voice was raspy and low. Their legs were tangled up under the bedsheet, Taylor’s chin resting on Zac’s shoulder. “It can’t be that good. It’s just not possible.”

“I think it’s pretty clear that it’s possible,” Zac laughed quietly. “Considering we just did it twice and it was that good…both times.”

They’d taken a ten minute break after their first go, lying side by side quietly, each of them trying to even their breathing, and then Zac had turned his head and kissed Taylor and it was like he’d switched the reset button, Taylor climbing back over him. It was longer and slower the second time, more emotion than the pure need of being inside and around each other that the first time was full of. Zac couldn’t say that he had a preference, both ways were mind-bendingly amazing and if it were up to him, they’d be going for number three right then. 

“Is this what they mean when they say it’s better with someone that you really love?”

Zac stilled and then slowly turned his head so he was looking at Taylor. “What did you just say?” He whispered, his eyes wide.

“I mean-” Taylor flushed and shook his head. “I didn’t- I-”

“It’s only been a month,” Zac said quietly. 

“I know.”

“I’m not…” Zac shook his head slowly, sitting up in the bed. He looked down at Taylor and then sighed, looking away from him. “I’m not ready…for that. I’m not-”

“Zac,” Taylor breathed, reaching for him. His fingers wrapped around Zac’s elbow and he pulled lightly, Zac looking back at him. “Forget I said it, okay? I didn’t mean it, it just…came out, you know, all of that postcoital bliss shit.”

Zac nodded and let Taylor pull him back onto the pillow beside him, his chest all wrenched up. He wasn’t sure if it was from Taylor saying the words, or saying he didn’t mean the words, both options scared the shit out of him. 

What didn’t scare him was Taylor lowering his body back over his own, his midsection settling in between Zac’s thighs, his mouth trailing down his chest at a painfully slow speed. He might not be ready for big declarations and the L word, but he was definitely ready for all of this.


End file.
